Macro

Some random ramblings I have heard in the last few days…

Billy Graham and his gospels.
Last night just before my favorite TV show LOST, this man featured in a 1 hour special on his gospels and how he is “changing america”. I have noticed that almost every second person seems to have “changing” effect on america these days – why even American Idol promises to do the same, we can of course allow Billy Graham to do just same 😀

Some excerpts of his speech to thousands of followers who had come to listen to gospel:

This one made me laugh:

“…You remember what happens in the latest Star Wars movie? The young man loses his way to greed and temptation and becomes the bad guy. He becomes the satan; and he is defeated by Truth! he’s defeated by God!”

If anything, Mr. Billy, the latest Star Wars was about evil coming to rise and not otherwise :D. Maybe he got his chronology wrong, or he’s just lost trying realize the eternal truth!

This one irritated me:

“…Buddha towards the end of his life said – ‘I am still searching for the truth’. Jesus Christ is the truth!”

WTF? Religious propoganda is fine by me, but please Mr. Billy can you keep it confined to your religion and not trespassing on other religions thelogy? Do you for instance even know what Buddha’s philosopy is, and what he did really mean by that?

Weather forecast while driving to work:
Today’s temperature will vary. (Who would’ve thought?). Today’s highs will be in low 50s while lows will be in high 30s.

A “cold front” that covered our area will be moved north by a “high pressure” area which will force cold front away. However by night, we should expect the “second” “cold front” to cover the area. Thank you Mr. Weatherman.

Some Ex-CIA Officer who was in Afghanistan on a “Look for Bin Laden” team, now retired, has written a book on it (who doesnt these days?), and was exclaiming in the interview:

“…At some point, I allowed Food and Water to be supplied to Osama Bin Laden while waiting for Air Power. I knew he was hiding in the caves – thats the only place they could hide.”

Common sense would suggest that you cut every possible link to your enemy. No more comments.

My friend told me few days ago that sometime ago in Germany, a man posted an online ad that he wanted to be eaten. He got a response from another man, who happily devored him. The man who did the service has been arrrested.

Prosecutors are now debating whether it was an act of cannibalism or act of mutual consent, if which if it was, the man who ate him cannot be proescuted. I am not even interested in knowing what happens next.

By the way, how did the man who advertized himself put the ad ? – You my gentle readers can come up with some creative answers! Make them funny!!

Umm…. what the other news that piqued my mind for last few days….

My friend’s girlfriend got him a huge foosball table for his Birthday. Lucky me 🙂 – He needs company to play it, and I am so available. I love my friends and their girlfriends hehe!

All right… enough nonsense for now. Will rant later. Ta-Ta!

http://www.theconservativevoice.com/articles/article.html?id=11537

Fortunately they have an option to opt out, though no one ever heard of it. Jeez. What are the internet companies upto! And add to it, they track by machine, not by user id. So you need to opt out every single computer you use. Whoa?!

http://privacy.yahoo.com/privacy/us/beacons/details.html

!

This post was inspired after I read a rather obtuse comment from a blogger on Desipundit for this article – http://www.desipundit.com/2006/01/12/shivsena-and-saving-maharashtra/#comments

Since I didnt want the comment section of Desipundit to become a war zone, I decided to vent out my frustration on my blog – also given the fact that I also get independence to say what I want! Now the blogger in question says this verbatim:

This comment is to no one in particular and is a comment on the post being referred to here. I find that all over India people keep repeating the same mistake and seem hell-bent on perpetuating it. Once and for all, folks, Hindi is not the ONLY “national” language of India. It is “official” (for the purposes of government communication) and enjoys the same rights and privileges as other languages (or should I say vice-versa?) This eulogizing Hindi/Bollywood and everything else “regional” is nauseating to say the least and is at the root of much bickering and divisiveness in Indian polity. Let’s hope that at least a generation of more traveled, enlightened and egalitarian Indians let go of such notions and embrace all that India is made of.

This bothered me greatly. Its been time immemorial that I have seen such comments now – and I wonder why is that its just the people from Tamil Nadu (not all mind you!) on this planet who make such a hue and cry about Hindi being official or national language or not? Surprisingly, I dont hear Gujjus making that comment – nor do I hear Maharastrians making that kind of comment. Nor have I heard Bongs say such things, or Andhraties – and I haven’t seen Kannadigas saying that either – or for that matter nor any Punjabi or a Malyalee complaining about it. From the person on the street to their Chief Minister to the now dead Veerapan, somehow they seem it fitting that because Tamil does not enjoy the status of Hindi in the country, there is something very wrong. I dont see it – Whats the big freaking deal?!

I find that all over India people keep repeating the same mistake and seem hell-bent on perpetuating it.

Except for some people, there is nobody who is hell bent on perpetuating it. Infact, I dont think anyone really cares that much at all LOL. Frankly nobody seems awfully bothered about which language has what status in India – if people stop comparing and enjoying the language without its political baggage, perhaps things can be simpler isnt it?

Once and for all, folks, Hindi is not the ONLY “national” language of India. It is “official” (for the purposes of government communication) and enjoys the same rights and privileges as other languages (or should I say vice-versa?)

India IS a diverse country. And for all good purposes, whether politically said or not, Hindi IS the most spoken language in India. Hindi IS the language most Indians can communicate in (save for English). So, Hindi, whether Thennavan likes it or not, IS the national language of India. Tamil is a great language too – it is confined to people who originate from Tamil Nadu, which is a part of India. So Tamil IS a regional language. Both Tamil and Hindi ARE Official languages of India. Both Tamil and Hindi get same rights and privileges.

So – what’s the point crying hoarse over it and complaining by shouting and using capitals that Hindi is not the ONLY “national” language of India? It is. Whether you like it or not. Only some people think it isn’t. Unfortunately they blog.

This eulogizing Hindi/Bollywood and everything else “regional” is nauseating to say the least and is at the root of much bickering and divisiveness in Indian polity.

Nauesating??! Why can’t we just let go off the notion of Languages being political or not once and for all? We all love to live in egalitarian society, provided the society does what we want to do – doesnt it? Else, we will spend our time arguing about infinite silliness about the political correctness of language. (Which btw is what exactly I am doing here!)

Actually, the funny thing is, this is the first time I am hearing that eulogizing Hindi/Bollywood has been the “root of much bickering and divisiveness in Indian polity” – I will LOL to that. No. I haven’t heard this before. Not from sane educated people anyways. Yes, I may have from politicians. But do I really care about them anyways?

And anyways, whats wrong about it? Hindi/Bollywood does rule most of India. Frankly I haven’t seen a Gujarathi complain that Hindi is the root of bickering. Or for that matter Mahastrians, Kannadigas, Andhraties, Bengalis – or the rest. No. Nobody seems to be complain. Except some.

Let’s hope that at least a generation of more traveled, enlightened and egalitarian Indians let go of such notions and embrace all that India is made of.

Actually, rest of India who are educated have already done so. Nobody really argues about their languages anymore. And frankly I haven’t met people (and god forbid, I dont want to meet them either!) who keep arguing about their languages either. Instead, I would rather meet people who introduce me to their literature and their language without the need of forcing its political equality in India.

Everybody has a right to be proud of their culture and their languages, but not at the expense of political idiocy and forcing others to accept their notions, which is exactly how that comment sounded to me. I for all sake WILL continue to say that Hindi is my national language, and Tamil is a regional language. Even if they dont sound equal – I dont think its a big deal. Nobody should be expected to speak for other languages either. Frankly, if we stopped bothering about whether my or your language is treated equally or not, we can all see that in the big picture, it is as equal as anything else! Else, languages wouldn’t survive this long.

To end, I must say – we can embrace India with all its notions of languages; frankly there is nothing WRONG or nothing that takes beauty of the country by doing it. So instead of sounding lectures to other people by merely saying “this is not targeted at anyone”, people should come out of their Tamil and start looking at the world with a broader frame of mind.

If you wondering about me? I have been very lucky to have spent my growing years in 12 different cities in India – that has given me a wonderful oppurtunity to assimilate with different languages and cultures, and have frankly given me a great perspective. Yes, I love Hindi and I think its a national language. When I am in Bangalore I speak Kannada – When I am in Ahmedabad, I speak Gujurathi. If need be, I can speak in Marathi too :). I can manage a bit of Punju too. And when I am in an cosmopolitan group, I speak Hindi. Thankfully none of those languages have taught me to be obtuse about them.

PS: Frankly nobody wants to create a hue and cry about English though. Which is funny.

Continuing my series on my favorite photographs, here is Travelogue part 2! Unlike my previous post, Travelouge part 1 where I added poetry (not mine of course!), this time I am going to add a little description about the photo itself; I kind of found it missing in my last post and decided to do away with poetry and instead let my reader know a little bit about the photo itself. I think that appeal of photograph increases if you have a background about the picture.

As always, all images are Copyright Suyog Deshpande, aka Me. Please ask me if you want to use them. Disclaimers aside, her goes:

This was one of the very first photographs I clicked with my digital camera, and it has been one of my favorites ever since. During winter, the pond at UMBC (The college I did my grad studies from) freezes up. And when it snows, its especially beautiful to look at. I particularly like this shot because of 2 things – (i) The wooden bridge (ii) The water spring which can be observed at bottom right of the picture which added a nice touch to the pic. I have done a countless takes on this same pic over and over again, and must admit that the sepia version of this same photograph rocks too. (I will probably add that as a part of Travelogue part 3).

February 16, 2003 saw a historic snow storm in Baltimore – it snowed for more than 2 days non stop, and there was more than 24 inches of snow in our area. On the third day, snow didnt deter me and my friends from stepping out for a walk. With padded shoes and triple layers of clothing, we wandered out. The pic was taken in a empty field just before a church, leading to UMBC. I love this show because of many reasons – (i) Even though this is a color photograph, given the weather, the snow, lack of sun and overall gloominess, this photograph looks almost like a black and white photograph. (ii) The highlighted barren tree kinda gives the feel of the weather (iii) I somehow find this photograph chilly. Quite literally hehe.

I have never been a sucker for photographs where people actually smile at the camera; I just hate such photographs. On the contrary I love photographs which are take out of instinct and show natural behavior of people. This is one such photograph – I and my friends had been on Sky Line drive in Virginia. It was suitably foggy and we decided to stop at an overlook. My friend stood on the edge of ghat to take overlook at the view; Out of instict, I clicked this one – When I looked at the photograph on my PC later, I loved it because it seemed like a very “natural” photograph. Nobody photographed for this – it just happened.

Honestly I didnt think that this photograph would come out as good as it turned out to be. This was taken during my camping trip with friends in 2004, near a lake. I took the first photograph of the log from 10 feet distance, from top view. Then I decided that I would have the log right in my face, but try to fit in the lake in the picture as well. To do this, I was 1 or 2 feet away from the log, eye level and positioned the view such a way that the log would seem big, but would not obstruct the lake view behind. I think I was pretty successful in getting exactly what I wanted.

During Fall, the valleys of Western Virginia are filled with wildflowers, which apparently are famous. Every few miles, you come accross them everywhere on the highway, and authorities have suitably put signposts indicating the flowers. It is of course illegal to stop on the highway and take photographs – which is exactly what we did :). We parked our car on the shoulder, ran into the center where the wildflowers were and took some quick photographs. This one was taken from almost eye level of flowers – I loved the photograph because the flowers seemed really lush in the photograph.

Thats it folks – I am preparing travelogue part 3 soon. So it should be up soon enough. And if you are done checking out this, why dont you check out my previous travelogue collection here. So long folks 😀

I am starting my favorites section with this post; at a later time this idea will evolve itself into a different website. But till then, it will be in birth stages here.

Dev Anand returns as Prime Minister in his movie called… well.. Prime Minister. Does this guy ever tire out? And we have some hard core fans like Nirwa (and yours truly) who wouldnt miss his movies for anything in the world.

Nirwa has a ROFLing review on the movie @ http://www.dogmatrix.com/modules/myReviews/detailfile.php?lid=197. Enjoy!

Glory to Dev Saab!

Without a doubt, 2005 has been the worst year for me when I think of all the books I have read. In comparision to other years, this year I have read the least amount of books – and that is a sad statistic!

Nonetheless, the books that I read this year were:
(Note that the books may not have necessarily been released this year – its just that I read them this year hehe!):

Cuckold – Kiran Nagarkar
Absolutely brilliant book about Mirabai, her husband and Krishna. You always hear about Mirabai her astute devotion to Krishna, but has anyone ever told the story from her Husband’s perspective of the events? Brilliant character potrayal. I wrote more about it here.

State of Fear – Michael Crichton
Michael Crichton has been one of my favorite writers since years now; I love the amount of research he puts into his book, to support his usually wafer thin plots and half baked filmy characters. Its all about research and presenting it. Crichton presents a controversial, and a very different take on Global Warming, and argues that Global Warming is nothing but a myth. I wrote a review on it here.

The Kite Runner – Khalid Hosseni
This book recieved rave reviews on Amazon, and I picked it up because it looked pretty decent size book to finish on a flight; I was not wrong about the latter. The book is good definitely, but somewhere down the line it becomes a film screenplay and less of a Book. And when that happens, I tend to lose interest. I wrote a review about the book here.

Five Point Someone – Chetan Bhagat
I finally read the much talked, much hyped and much bloated book. This is a book which could have been so much more and so much better, but ends being an average take on college life. Nonetheless, there is definitely something about this book that kept me hooked till the end, and thats a big deal! I wrote a review on it here.

Veronica Decides to Die – Paul Coehlo
I hated The Alchemist, and was quite vary about picking this book up; but I am glad I did. I absolutely loved the book and the way its been written. Sometimes books may contain great ideas, but they become pointless and boring (aka Ayn Rand and her books); Luckily this was different. I wrote a review about the book here.

Parva – S. L. Bhyrappa (Translated by K Raghavendra Rao)
In recent times, this is the ONLY book I have re-read. Infact this is the only book next to Love Story that I have re-read. And even the second time too, this book is nothing short of Brillaint. I could never ever think about Mahabhartha like this. This is prose at its best; This IS authoratively the BEST book I have read in my life – nothing comes close. I wrote a review about it here.

Calvin and Hobbes, The Entire 10 year collection – Bill Watterson
I gifted myself the 100$ three bounded book collection of every single strip Bill Watterson drew for Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes are absolute favorite characters; and I relate to every damn thing that Calvin says – his take on life, surroundings and just about the way he sees life. I am so addicted to Calvin and Hobbes that I could keep re-reading the collection forever. I wrote about Calvin and Hobbes too here.

And there were some half finished books, which I felt I wasted my money on this year. I hate leaving books half read, but these books just forced me to:

The Rule of Four: Ian Caldwell

Codex: Lev Grossman

The Plot Against America: Phillip Roth

Shalimar: Salman Rushdie

Thats it!

I hope 2006 brings about a better year for me books wise.

Time for a review of the year gone by!

January was cold. Yet it didnt snow for most part of it – Mom was here on a visit and left back on January 9th. Weighed myself that day and found I was 226 pounds, and a 37 nearing rotund waist. Dont know what happened, but at that instance I got tired of carrying my weight around and do something about it. Went to Gym, and walked for 10 mins at 2.5 miles/hour speed which left me panting and breathless. Turned 26 in January, and gave myself a party by driving to Baltimore in wild snow.

February was another cold month and it snowed a lot. It was not particularly a great month – had a lot of tensions and worries regarding career and future. Much of February passed in frustration and worries, and general hopelessness. Got the complete DVD set of my favorite series “The Wonder Years“. My walking had improved to 20 minutes at 3 miles/hr in the Gym; Had lost 4 pounds to be at 222 pounds; I could walk 4 days a week. We went Ski-ing for the first time here – With 3 layers of clothes, the initiation class got me so dehydrated that I couldnt ski; made me wonder at the irony of it all.
March was a life changing month; Watched “The Wonder Years” of 115 episodes in 6 days flat and for reasons best known to myself, it was a life changing experience – or put it in another way – an inspiring experience. Tensions about career abated, and life seemed to improve again. Spring was in the air! Found a new interest – Hiking -went for hiking trips all around D.C; I could do 45 minutes of continuous walk almost daily in my hiking shoes. Had lost another 4 pounds to be 218 pounds – had also lost an inch of my waist to be 35 inches. Got a jolt in March when I was forced to move into a new appartment for unpleasant reasons, none because of my fault. Spent a better part of March hunting appartments again.

April was fun – Spring was blossoming! The weather was just perfect – went to the famous Cherry Blossoms festival in DC for the first time and recounted my ponderings on my blog. I also put my take on this whole crap about ABCD, FOB, EFGH and assorted acronyms. I loved walking on jogging trails just behind my Appartments as weather was just perfect – used to see a lot people run and always wondered if I could jog too. In the third week of April, I did. I jogged for 10 minutes, for the first time in my life, and walked for 30 minutes. Found a new appartment too, and luckily in the same building I stayed! At this time, I was down to 213 pounds, and 35 inches seemed a little loose now. In the last week, injured my right leg badly – my heel, ankle and shin pained badly. My mistake – using a Hiking shoe to Jog, which I must say now is a very very bad idea.

May brought a painful move; luckily with great friends around I moved into my new appartment in a jiffy – why not? I made the shortest move in my life! I moved to an appartment one floor down in the same building :). My leg was feeling better after a week, hence I resumed my jogging again, still in my Hiking shoes. One saturday, I jogged for a mile (I was able to do it now!), and then came back and played tennis for the first time in my life; for 2 hours. Next day, I had knee injuries in both my legs. And tennis elbow injury in my right hand. Even with injuries et al, by end of May, I had lost 2 inches of my waist, and 22 pounds – my weight stood at 204 pounds and waist of 34. I made the first gleeful announcement about it here

June opened up swimming pools in my appartment complex; Being water phobic, I decided it was time to learn swimming this time in life, to remove my fear of water. Yet, I was not getting motivated enough. It was a rather sedate month, but the weather was awesome. I was finally really motivated about my health regime – in June, I had given up walking altogether and started jogging. I could jog at 4.3 to 4.6 miles / hour speed, and jog for 45 minutes through a distance of 3.5 miles. By the end of June, I hit a weight loss plateau and my weight staggered. To my disappointment, I had lost only 4 pounds in June and my waist remained at 34 inches. However my tennis elbow injury had started to disappear.
July was a good month – went to Houston to attend my close friend’s engagement. It was an awesome trip, and being able to catch up with friends was indeed special. It also marked my 1 year with my present company. I finally joined swimming lessons, probably the second best thing after running I did this year. I was lucky enough to meet a great swim instructor who taught me to embrace water, not fight it. I was his last student, and made a post about it on my blog. By mid July made another announcement on my blog – I was down by 2.5 inches of my waist and 30 pounds off since january. I was at 33.5 inches waist and 196 pounds. Swimming proved to be a really good exercise.

August pretty much stayed the same as July; I finished my swim classes and now swam 4 laps daily at our complex swimming pool. Enjoyed the summer thoroughly – went on more hikes, and with the new running shoes, life was easier on my legs. Mid August, I made yet another announcement – I was down by 40 pounds, and 3 inches. My weight now stood 186 pounds, and 33 inche waist. I now could run at 4.6 miles/hour continously for 45 minutes; started a bit of weight training too. Rakshabandhan made me feel as if I had begun to lose touch; most of my sisters didnt bother to send me a rakhi and those who did, their’s never reached me 🙁 – for the first time I felt like Gogol Ganguly.
September followed the same pattern as August. One of my closest friends moved back to India for good; I was pretty moist when I realized that time just flies without even we realizing it. Ganesh Chaturthi came and went, and it didnt matter to anyone in particular. I made the biggest announcement of my life again on my blog on September 29 – yes, I was down by 48 pounds and 4 inches of my waist. I was now 32 inch waist, with weight of 178 pounds. I could also now swim 20 laps, not continuosly though.

October was month of purchases! Got myself a huge honking 50 inch HDTV and a 7.1 surround sound system; needless to say I spent a fortune, but it was well worth it. I also shocked my parents by sending them a trimmed and slimmed version of myself – they were totally unprepared for it and instead of glee, i ended up causing considerable tension to my parents who believed I was depressed and starving and not really was on a running drive! I scheduled an impromptu trip to Kuwait and decided to spend my Diwali there. It started getting chilly, hence Swimming stopped completely, though my running continued.

November was special! I spent one of my best Diwali’s ever in Kuwait. It was cherished. Coming back, I and my friends joined hands to give our friend in Houston a proper pre-marriage party in Las Vegas! Needless to say it rocked! Gambled a lot, won a lot and lost all of it there. My trips to Kuwait and Las Vegas increased my weight by another 6 pounds 🙁 . Cold had set in finally now, and it was back to dark evenings and cold mornings. It snowed rather early this year in November.

December brought about more snow, suprisingly much earlier than expected. Being holiday season, spent better part of it eating chocolates and running to put those chocolates away. It was unfortunate that I couldnt visit India towards end of it, as much as I had hoped and loved to. I could now run at 5.6 miles/ hour speed for 40 minutes, and it has never felt better. Went to a great party on December 31st, where, probably for the first time, I danced. I wanted to put up another announcement, but pushed it off.

Today – January 1, 2006. Looking back at past year – Yes, it was a great year for me. A year of quite some changes and all good at that. If I had to live one year of my post 20s, pre 30s life, year 26 would be it. Without a doubt. And the announcement? As of January 1st, 2006, I am 50 pounds and 4 inches down from January 2005. I am now 176 pounds, and 32 inches. The single biggest achievement of my life, this past year.

I came home earlier than expected today and as usual the first thing I do once I come home is to switch on the TV. While channel surfing, Martha Stewart caught my eye, and I decided to stay on. Not that I find her beautiful, but I had heard a lot about her daily day time show Martha, and I found a great desire to find out what Martha Stewart and her guests talked about everyday – And if you haven’t figured out yet, Martha is a woman’s show and it was ultra high on cheesy talk factor. For more about how she got so famous, read about Martha here.

Anyhow, today’s guest with Martha was Jennifer Garner aka Alias aka Ben Afleck’s girl friend. I came to know she was Ben Afleck’s girlfriend today – yeah, I am quite ignorant about who dates whom every two months in Hollywood. Nonetheless, because Jennifer was pregnant, Martha decided it was enough a reason to have her audience to be pregnant too; yes, her audience were all women (of course!), and all of them pregnant, eager to hear with utmost interest about Jennifer and mother to be experience! Sigh – how lovely.

So Jennifer bored me, audience and Martha (who looked most bored if you ask me!) with irrelevant details about how she couldnt find a crib for her upcoming child and how it was an “expensive” thing. (At this juncture I must remind you that Ben Afleck, her boyfriend, and J.Lo’s ex-boy friend had enough money to buy J.Lo a diamond studded toilet seat for J.Lo’s precious bottoms ).

At some point, Martha asked Jennifer – “So Jennifer, do you cook at home? Do you cook for Ben?

Jennifer (blushing) – “I do love to cook, but you know…”

Martha – “Oh you do cook! Does Ben like to eat food? Is he a huge eater?”

Jeniffer (blushing more than ever) – “You know I did love to cook for Ben, but he’s been so healthy the past few months….”

(meaning, I would cook to kill, literally, when the time comes)
Anyhow, after their mush talk, Martha suggested that they get to their next segment of the show – Cooking – (I figured that Martha was bored and quickly wanted to get ahead with it). What happened next made my evening.

Martha to Jeniffer – “So what are we going to make today Jeniffer?”

Jeniffer – “You know Martha, I have been really wanting to learn to make Yogurt. You know I’ve tried hard, but I’ve heard home made Yogurt is the best!! I want to learn to make Yogurt!” (That Jeniffer is not as internet and pc savvy as she projects herself to be in Alias is clear by this point)

Martha – “Oh you poor thing! Ladies, we will teach Jeniffer how to make Yogurt”

She continued – “You know its really simple. Just take 1/4th or half gallon of fat free milk in a vessel. Heat the milk till 185 degrees; Once heated, cool the milk till 110 degrees; Then take some yogurt that you already have and mix it in the milk. After the milk cools down completely, refrigerate it for 10-15 hours and your Yogurt is ready!”

Jeniffer – “Thats it??!”

Martha – “Thats it – I told you it was simple!!”

Jeniffer – “I had a question – how much would you heat the milk – like does it boil at 185 degrees?”

Martha – “No, at 185 degrees, milk will not boil – but just heat up…”

Jennifer – “Oh thank you Martha!!!” and Jeniffer gave a hug of great appreciation to momma Martha.

…At which point I was already in fits of laughter.

Now I want to ask Martha, how did she discover such precise heating tempratures for heating milk – 185 degrees and 110 degrees? Thats like – wow – precision numbers here. Martha also missed out on saying that the vessel she heated the milk in actually had a thermometer attached to it to aid her temperature reading – so necessary requirement being the vessel. Martha oh Martha, I know Yogurt is the simplest thing in the world to make, but umm, did you have make a joke out of it?

And Jeniffer – you love to cook as you said earlier in show, and you did love to cook for Ben, but take my advice – please dont cook Yogurt for him! dont ever!

Sigh, I love these daily shows.

Yes, I am supremely vela, inanely purposeless and found the time to watch all of the movies below. They are by far the unmissable movies of 2005 – and I suggest you watch them at the earliest!

CHETNA – The Excitment

“Biwi raath ko roti garam kar sakthi hain, bistar nahi”
Now the tagline and the hindi tagline, both had me really “Excited”. Though I should have been aware (Chetna) of this impending disaster I was about to endur – Nonetheless, my brains tingled at the thought of Payal Rastogi’s 48 teether smile and her luscious assets. Unlike other movies of where the husband cheats on wife, here Chetna herself seduces our lamb like Hero into committing hara-kiri with her. And Chetna doesn’t stop at that – but goes a step further in letting the Hero’s wife know about their alleged affair. Some pati-vrata and all that scenes later, Chetna gives up her life in a fit of sacrifice, as she realizes the meaning of true love versus lust, and true love demanded immediate execution of self. After Murder established the standard, necking and kissing is as far as our loving making couples travel – somehow nobody wants to take step further; not that I am interested in seeing Payal’s assets either. Her acting is as good as Sanjay Kapoor, which I am afraid is not too much. Rest of the cast didn’t really matter to the story anyways.

Tezaab – The acid of love!
This yet another remake of “Unfaithful” is about as exciting as Uma Bharthi’s padyathra. The funny thing is, this is a scene by scene remake of Murder – with the exception that this time including the heroine, the hero too didn’t have any costume designer; Or that he didn’t even have enough budget to afford himself colorful boxers; Come to think of it, half the movie the hero prances around in his black boxer, which suspiciously look the same throughout the movie; I feel sorry for him. Poor guy. At least they could have afforded him an extra boxer or two. Not that the Heroine gets any special treatment – she is as deficient in clothes as he is. In fact the most dressed up guy in the enterprise is her husband, who at best has worn 3 suits in 3 different scenes, which about sums up his role in the movie. Rests of the details about this movie are not only unnecessary, but fruitless as well. So move ahead.

Vajra – The Weapon
Lately Indian movies have found the need to emphasize the title of the movie with an accompanying English translation as its tagline. Tezaab and Vajra are two examples. However it works in reverse too – an English name must beget a Hindi translation as its tagline. Bullet – Ek Dhamaka – Time was running out to pull the trigger; never mind that Bullet had two taglines: for whose benefit, nobody knows. Anyhow, Vajra’s story can be best summed up in a single line: two good for nothing brothers who come to city to do something good, but nothing good happens to them , thus, they turn to doing nothing good by joining the mafia, which brings them no good in the end anyways. The story of Naam has been very aptly made to suit gaon-shehar setup; else everything else is the same. And the Hero gets to dance under rainfall with his Heroine, make love near a campfire, run around trees, while he is not cribbing about his life or not killing someone.

Topless
Unfortunately this movie didn’t have a Hindi translation as its tagline; I did have loved to hear it. Supposedly the spiciest and controversial part of the movie is supposed to be the last fifteen minutes where the Heroine is supposed to go “topless” for a model shoot. I was well asleep by then, only to be awakened by a rather jarring sound coming from my Laptop. The movie serves to be an education in “Breast Cancer and early prevention”, except that it takes its own sweet time before it actually comes up with the message. The story is about a model who wants to make it big in modeling world, and who is induced into one heinous act after another in modeling, all totaling to her going topless.

But before that, she must discover that at least 2 men love her, dream about making love to one, whilst making it with other in reality, has 1 woman jealous of her, and a crooked boss who is out to see her topless. And just before the event, she discovers that she has Breast Cancer – holly molly. Now its only in Indian movies that any form of tragedy is enough to lead a skimpily clad woman rushing into Chudidhaars or Saaris – ditto here – the moment she comes to know she has Breast Cancer, our svelte heroine who up till this point had no qualms about wearing clothes meant for girls 15 years younger, suddenly jumps into salwar kameez and Sarees. Nonetheless, after her show, and after listening to her boyfriend she agrees to get operated and get cured.

At which point, the movie ends , and then out of nowhere, a promotional poster comes up before the credits roll – “Tata Memorial Hospital, Dept of Preventive Oncology” with the words underneath – “Don’t let CANCER stop you. Cancer prevention is easy and simple”. Now I want to ask these hospital guys – exactly how many people were they targeting with such a creative ad campaign?

Jalwa – Fun in Love
No, this is not the same as Fun – can be dangerous sometimes. This is different – and gives tremendous scope for its heroine to show her acting prowess, which I am afraid will probably not be noticed by anyone important in particular. So this movie is about two buddies, one rich, one not so rich; the rich buddy screws his secretary with pyaar vyaar bahana, and then ditches her right and proper, the very next day. The secretary suffering a post-pre-suhaag-raath syndrome is jolted back to reality by her rather rude boss; she disappears, only to appear back as look stealer, with smaller clothes, heavy mascara and a witchy makeup; Nobody told her that she could give Venus Williams a run for her money look wise, but that’s beside the point. Anyhow, the buddies (yeah, remember, there were two?) come across this lady, the rich buddy now married wants to screw her, the not so rich buddy falls for this woman, while this re-imaged heroine is out to kill the no so rich buddy’s rich buddy. A couple of kisses, hugs, misunderstandings, tears and slaps later, all is well and dry in this bore-ville.

You must be thinking what kind of movies do I really watch! And when do I really get the time from my other inane and purposeless activities – but then, I cannot miss such classics ever – these are the movies which make my day. In addition to the above populated collection, I must also recommend with full gusto the following movies too:

Fun – can be dangerous sometimes
Sauda – The Deal
Mudda – The Issue
God only knows. (Yes, god only knows what this movie was about)
Bhola in Bollywood
Tadap – the desire
Ayyash
High Society
Mirchi
Chahat – Ek Nasha
Khamosh
Elaan
Laila
Rain
Classic – the dance of love

… And many more!

As a passing note, if you enjoyed this list I must point out that greatbong has written a fantastic collection of his not un-missable movies here. You must not miss them at any cost!