Yes, I am supremely vela, inanely purposeless and found the time to watch all of the movies below. They are by far the unmissable movies of 2005 – and I suggest you watch them at the earliest!
CHETNA – The Excitment
“Biwi raath ko roti garam kar sakthi hain, bistar nahi”
Now the tagline and the hindi tagline, both had me really “Excited”. Though I should have been aware (Chetna) of this impending disaster I was about to endur – Nonetheless, my brains tingled at the thought of Payal Rastogi’s 48 teether smile and her luscious assets. Unlike other movies of where the husband cheats on wife, here Chetna herself seduces our lamb like Hero into committing hara-kiri with her. And Chetna doesn’t stop at that – but goes a step further in letting the Hero’s wife know about their alleged affair. Some pati-vrata and all that scenes later, Chetna gives up her life in a fit of sacrifice, as she realizes the meaning of true love versus lust, and true love demanded immediate execution of self. After Murder established the standard, necking and kissing is as far as our loving making couples travel – somehow nobody wants to take step further; not that I am interested in seeing Payal’s assets either. Her acting is as good as Sanjay Kapoor, which I am afraid is not too much. Rest of the cast didn’t really matter to the story anyways.
Tezaab – The acid of love!
This yet another remake of “Unfaithful†is about as exciting as Uma Bharthi’s padyathra. The funny thing is, this is a scene by scene remake of Murder – with the exception that this time including the heroine, the hero too didn’t have any costume designer; Or that he didn’t even have enough budget to afford himself colorful boxers; Come to think of it, half the movie the hero prances around in his black boxer, which suspiciously look the same throughout the movie; I feel sorry for him. Poor guy. At least they could have afforded him an extra boxer or two. Not that the Heroine gets any special treatment – she is as deficient in clothes as he is. In fact the most dressed up guy in the enterprise is her husband, who at best has worn 3 suits in 3 different scenes, which about sums up his role in the movie. Rests of the details about this movie are not only unnecessary, but fruitless as well. So move ahead.
Vajra – The Weapon
Lately Indian movies have found the need to emphasize the title of the movie with an accompanying English translation as its tagline. Tezaab and Vajra are two examples. However it works in reverse too – an English name must beget a Hindi translation as its tagline. Bullet – Ek Dhamaka – Time was running out to pull the trigger; never mind that Bullet had two taglines: for whose benefit, nobody knows. Anyhow, Vajra’s story can be best summed up in a single line: two good for nothing brothers who come to city to do something good, but nothing good happens to them , thus, they turn to doing nothing good by joining the mafia, which brings them no good in the end anyways. The story of Naam has been very aptly made to suit gaon-shehar setup; else everything else is the same. And the Hero gets to dance under rainfall with his Heroine, make love near a campfire, run around trees, while he is not cribbing about his life or not killing someone.
Topless
Unfortunately this movie didn’t have a Hindi translation as its tagline; I did have loved to hear it. Supposedly the spiciest and controversial part of the movie is supposed to be the last fifteen minutes where the Heroine is supposed to go “topless†for a model shoot. I was well asleep by then, only to be awakened by a rather jarring sound coming from my Laptop. The movie serves to be an education in “Breast Cancer and early preventionâ€Â, except that it takes its own sweet time before it actually comes up with the message. The story is about a model who wants to make it big in modeling world, and who is induced into one heinous act after another in modeling, all totaling to her going topless.
But before that, she must discover that at least 2 men love her, dream about making love to one, whilst making it with other in reality, has 1 woman jealous of her, and a crooked boss who is out to see her topless. And just before the event, she discovers that she has Breast Cancer – holly molly. Now its only in Indian movies that any form of tragedy is enough to lead a skimpily clad woman rushing into Chudidhaars or Saaris – ditto here – the moment she comes to know she has Breast Cancer, our svelte heroine who up till this point had no qualms about wearing clothes meant for girls 15 years younger, suddenly jumps into salwar kameez and Sarees. Nonetheless, after her show, and after listening to her boyfriend she agrees to get operated and get cured.
At which point, the movie ends , and then out of nowhere, a promotional poster comes up before the credits roll – “Tata Memorial Hospital, Dept of Preventive Oncology†with the words underneath – “Don’t let CANCER stop you. Cancer prevention is easy and simpleâ€Â. Now I want to ask these hospital guys – exactly how many people were they targeting with such a creative ad campaign?
Jalwa – Fun in Love
No, this is not the same as Fun – can be dangerous sometimes. This is different – and gives tremendous scope for its heroine to show her acting prowess, which I am afraid will probably not be noticed by anyone important in particular. So this movie is about two buddies, one rich, one not so rich; the rich buddy screws his secretary with pyaar vyaar bahana, and then ditches her right and proper, the very next day. The secretary suffering a post-pre-suhaag-raath syndrome is jolted back to reality by her rather rude boss; she disappears, only to appear back as look stealer, with smaller clothes, heavy mascara and a witchy makeup; Nobody told her that she could give Venus Williams a run for her money look wise, but that’s beside the point. Anyhow, the buddies (yeah, remember, there were two?) come across this lady, the rich buddy now married wants to screw her, the not so rich buddy falls for this woman, while this re-imaged heroine is out to kill the no so rich buddy’s rich buddy. A couple of kisses, hugs, misunderstandings, tears and slaps later, all is well and dry in this bore-ville.
You must be thinking what kind of movies do I really watch! And when do I really get the time from my other inane and purposeless activities – but then, I cannot miss such classics ever – these are the movies which make my day. In addition to the above populated collection, I must also recommend with full gusto the following movies too:
Fun – can be dangerous sometimes
Sauda – The Deal
Mudda – The Issue
God only knows. (Yes, god only knows what this movie was about)
Bhola in Bollywood
Tadap – the desire
Ayyash
High Society
Mirchi
Chahat – Ek Nasha
Khamosh
Elaan
Laila
Rain
Classic – the dance of love
… And many more!
As a passing note, if you enjoyed this list I must point out that greatbong has written a fantastic collection of his not un-missable movies here. You must not miss them at any cost!