Macro

Independent Witness

by

‘We army fellows haven’t much brain to boast about, or so they tell us, but we try to talk sense’

‘I’m sure you do’

‘Thank You. And, if there were exams in talking sense, most of us would pass. Which is more than you can say for Staff College. I failed twice’

‘What a shame’

‘A shame! It was a record. I’m the only personl who’s been allowed to fail twice. Most people are allowed to fail once. That isn’t much of a qualification. But twice, madam, that shows’.

‘I’ m sure it does’

‘But what does it show, madam’

‘Quite frankly colonel, I’ve no idea’.

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[Me ROLFING loudly…Him sitting on my computer, doing something,  whistled back.]

Him: what happened to you?

Me: Man this is an amazing book! God, if this is how it will start, then how will it end?

Him: What will start?

Me: The book.

Him: That much I see for myself – I asked you what will start and what will end!

Me: The book. If it starts, it also ends right?

Him: Really? I haven’t heard of any books which don’t end…how interesting. Apparently you have gone nuts reading the book. Didn’t I tell you it was a great book?

Me: It is man, it is!!! I am absolutely nuts! No, the book is absolutely nuts.

Him: Carry on please, and the next time, would you keep your howling to yourself? It took me 2 complete seconds to understand the difference between your Laugh and …

Me: *#*&%*#( off.

‘…on the 12th December last, where were you at about 12.30 p.m?’

‘I remember very plainly’ said colonel.

‘Well, where was it then?’

‘D’ you mean exactly 12.30 pm sir?’

‘There or thereabouts’

‘I see’ said the colonel and paused. ‘That makes it more difficult, sir’.

‘why?’

‘I was in several places then’

‘You can’t be in several places at the same time!’

‘But you can be in several places about the same time! 12.29 is about the same as 12.30 and so is 12.31. If you take a long distance runner you will see…’

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[Me another round of ROLF and Him, yet again exasperated, hardly looking at me]

Him: All right dude – are you nuts?

Me: I am nuts. I am nuts on this book!

Him: Brilliant characterization of all characters eh? Is that why u are nuts? Are there all nuts in that book? A nut in need is a nut indeed? You are nuts over nuts?

Me: yeah dude! I am nuts over nuts – I am still thinking of the author – didn’t he go nuts writing this nut cracker? I am sure this happens with him all the time. He must have been around all the Nuts of the world to come up with such nutcases.

Him: If he had found you, you did also form a part of this book – what would you be?

Me: *%*$#%( off!

‘Let me ask you something else. How could you tell what color it was?’

By looking at it

…

‘And you think it was black?’

‘No’

‘Oh’ said Mr.Salter, ‘you don’t think it was black?’

‘No’

‘Then it was white?’

‘No’

‘But either it was black or white. You are not suggesting it was grey?’

‘No’

‘Then if you don’t think it was black, it was white;

‘No;

‘You admit it was either black or white and you don’t think it was black. It must have been white!’

‘No’

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[Should I tell you what happens…]

Him: Mere Bhagwan, are u nuts seriously?

Me: This time I am black and white!

Him: Black you are, white I doubt.

Me: Arre, I am talking of the character in this book! He is so funny! I am wondering how this nutcase will take the case ahead.

Him: which case?

Me: The nutcase?

Him: I know, there are several nutcases in the book right? I asked which case? Wait a minute…Which case are you talking about?

Me: The nutcase. That’s what you asked!

Him: Hell – not nutcase you nutcase, but ‘case’. You said he is taking the case ahead! Which case?

Me: The nutcase.

Him: *%#*$(($# . Read!

‘Could you have made a mistake?’

‘Yes’ said Mr. Piper

‘You admit that’

‘Yes, I could have made a mistake. But I didn’t. it was black. Perhaps’, he added, ‘you’d like to asked me if black doesn’t sometimes look the same as white?’

‘That’s a silly question’

‘But I did answer ‘YES’ to it’ said Mr.Piper

‘That Black sometimes looks the same as white?’

‘Often’, said Mr. Piper. ‘In the dark, you know’

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[Yet again me goes bonking…He goes honkers. This time he finally turns around]

Him: Allright you nutcase to the power of nutcase, I suggest you stop howling like misguided elephant and read the book.

Me: But yaar, its so funny!! I can’t believe it that such nutcases will give evidence in court! Oh god, how will the MP survive the case’

Him: MP? Which MP? There are no MPs in the book.

Me: Are you sure now that you aren’t nuts? This book is on MP right?

Him: Atrocious! The book is not about MP, its about three men.

Me: Three men? There are more than 10 in this book!

Him: Are u reading the one that I gave you?

Me: I am reading the one that you gave yesterday.

Him: Which was?

Me: yesterday! Of course that was yesterday right?!

Him: I know it was yesterday!!! Tell me what was it?

Me: what was what?

Him: U nutcase, what was the book I recommended to you!

Me: You recommended two yesterday…

Him: which one are you reading?

Me: I am reading both of them

Him: of course!!! Which are you howling upon so much?

Me: ‘Independent Witness’ of course!!! Didn’t you say I did go nuts if I read it?

Him: Aren’t I right?

Me: Right about what? The book being a nutcase or me?

Him: At last! What makes you think I didn’t mean you?

Me: You didn’t think me what?

Him: Nutcase

Me: Yeah, the book is a nutcase. You should read it again! Then both of us will go nuts! What joy! A single nut is boring, two will be good company!! Read the book please!

Him: Go ways *$#*^%*#$ off. Shoo! Shoo!

[The ‘Him’ is my friend – obviously! To give away the plot of the book would be killing a dead bird – please read the book. To even talk about anything else, too would be killing the dead bird again. It’s a Supreme comedy of Supremus heights.]

‘Not only the car did not stop, it also went ahead…’

Life of Pi

by

Life of pi

A few weeks ago, I read a review on the book, written by Premjit. However I avoided most reading most of his review then because I had just got the book and was about to begin it. Today I re-read Premjit’s review and I must say it was a fabulous review, which in turn inspired me to write about a review on book. I may not write as superbly as my friend did in that review, though I may just present a different opinion on the book.

The Life of Pi

Life of Pi begins with the foreword by the author Yann Martel as to how he, in searching for a story to write came across a certain person whom he could write about. That person is Piscine Mortilor Patel better known as Pi, whom he finds settled in Canada with his wife and children. What follows thereafter is the story of how Pi came upon to Canada. Pi goes through a ship wreck, loses his parents, and is finally left alone on a boat to survive with a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. Pi survives to tell this story to the author. And the story just tells that – survival.

The good parts

Frankly and surprisingly, I couldn’t really get myself to like this novel totally. Agreed that this novel was definitely good in parts and pieces, but I never really liked the novel as a whole. The initial story behind Pi’s name is hilarious, and so are his experiences at the school. At the same time, his explanation of animal life and instincts is really superb, and does give a good reading to anyone who may not know about animal habits. Pi’s narration towards the end is also quite amusing. The best part of the book is possibly the part where Pi tells the story with animals, and the puts humans in the animals and retells the story. At that point, he also asks a question – which story sounds better? The one with animals or the one with humans? And I couldn’t help wondering about it. Where exactly does this part come, I wont tell, coz I would be killing the suspense about the whole novel.

What I didn’t like

For one, religion simply seems to be the weakest point of the whole novel. For instance, Pi’s inclination on every religion doesn’t really sound convincing anywhere in the novel and really don’t add anything substantial to the story in itself. Add to that, after a point in the story, religion and his thoughts just take a back seat. It would have been more interesting if Pi had told us more about the religion and his thoughts while stranded in the sea. Agreed, there are instances, but they are too few to justify anything. After a point, it’s a mere story of survival and just that.

The basic idea of a triumph of human life may sound very good, but somehow, you never really relate to anything at all in the book. Even at the end of the book, I was left wondering – okay, so what? Strong characterization for such a novel is very important, however, Pi in himself doesn’t really have a strong character. Towards the end, he just ends up being a character who just remains a character; and never really relates anywhere to you. To compare the point, I take the example of Arundhati Roy’s The god of small things(another booker winner like this one), where towards the end I had tears in my eyes for estha and rahul (the characters in that book) towards the end. Or maybe another example like The remains of the day(another booker winner!), where one feels so sorry for the butler who remains so true to his job that he cannot see his father in death. Contrary to them, I really never felt anything at the end of the book. As I said, I was left wandering – okay, so what?!

Next, however good his survival may sound, the things Pi does to keep himself alive are explained quite grossly. I didn’t like Pi’s experiment of trying his own urine or eating tiger shit – Survival may seem important, but why Pi does this remains strange, when he had loads of food to eat! Moreover, the settings for the Pi to exist remain far too convenient really. Moreover, the length of stay that Pi has on the boat is simply staggering to say the least, and it at once makes you think if something is going overboard in the novel.

The Prose of Pi

The prose is very good in the novel. However, it never really excites you. Pi leads you to a point where you start feeling excited that something might happen, and then lets you down completely. This happens time and again the in the book. The parts where Pi eyesight gets sore, is explained so hap-hazardly that it almost breaks the continuity of the novel. On the whole, it’s a pretty good prose.

Overall

Overall, after reading the novel, I couldn’t really get myself to like it very much. Though the novel is at times engrossing, it doesn’t satisfy in the end. The basic problem with Pi is that he aims to tell a story with too many things – religion, suspense, thriller, animals, survival, faith; and ends up telling too little of anything to actually satisfy a reader. This book got a booker for 2002, and if this book got a booker, then I think 2002 was really a bad year for writers too. I personally don’t think this book deserved a booker.

Overall – Engrossing – yes; Satisfying – No

Delhi International Airport

by

Ch*aOS!!

That’s just one word to describe this airport. Being a nation’s capital and having one of the worst airports ever is a dubious distinction the Indira Gandhi international airport enjoys.

To continue from where I left last time in my review on Air India, I now come to the next part of the journey which awaited us at the Delhi International Airport. The moment we landed at Delhi, it took a good 15 minutes for the aerobridge to bless us with its doors. Once inside the aerobridge, what seemed to be like an endless tunnel (it usually is everywhere!), abruptly ended at the end of it. Why? Just because, a few custom officers had apparently forgotten that a flight had landed, and they had to do some customary checks. After a while, we were let into the main corridor which connects numerous aerobridges; that too after making sure that we indeed had flied Air India to Delhi (did they doubt really!).

Anyhow, after this we waited in the corridor to go into the main lounge of the airport for what seemed to be like more than 30 minutes. The reason was that in all probabilities the airport doesn’t even have good staff. After half an hour, a couple of officers, put a table and a chair, brought out paper with a list of people who had flied down and started verifying each one of them before letting them inside the lounge. Talk about computerization!!! Bill gates could have donated some computers at this airport as well! Meanwhile, a couple of other flights had also arrived. And since, all the aerobridges connect to a common corridor, utter mayhem and chaos occurred with people all over the place. Talk about security anyone!

After the ordeal we were allowed to get inside. After yet another security check, we came to the gates which took the domestic flights to all over India. We wanted to travel to Ahmedabad, and thus knew that we were supposed to wait at gate 10. However, we didn’t find any sign of gate 10 there. On questioning a dis-interested security guard, he informed us that our flight had still to come, and asked us to relax. (we forgot IST!). After 15 minutes or so, another security guard came over and shouted for us. When enquired he informed us that our flight was ready to leave, and we should have been on it 15 minutes ago!!!!! Talk about mis-information or carelessness anyone!

The facilities in the airport are hopeless. I mean, even a B-grade movie theater in India would probably have better Restrooms! Stinking, and probably cleaned once in a year, I don’t think any one actually visits them! The seats and the couches are old, and look as if they exist from the British era. By comparison Mumbai’s International Airport is truly majestic and superbly organized, as well as well maintained.

Its such a shame really, that our nation’s capital has such a horrible airport. Its about time Mr. Vajpayee thought about the revamping the airport than spending money on buying a plane for himself and his bunch of dogs, cats, rats and the rest.

Till then, take my word. If you can, fly to MUMBAI!

Calvin and Hobbes

by

Calvin and Hobbes

“I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!”

—Calvin

AHHHHHHHHHHH! This is so unfair! A month and a half ago I asked MS guys to put up Calvin and Hobbes in their database. My only mistake was I asked them to put it up in cartoons series! I didn’t know Calvin and Hobbes existed on MS as books already, and no one at MS reminded me!! L . When I today saw Calvin and Hobbes review on MS, my creative juices started flowing, hand started to wave, mind started to think, my brains and PC were full of null pointer exception – The only way I can restore my normalcy is to write on none but Calvin and Hobbes.

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us”—Calvin to Hobbes

“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”

—Calvin

A brief HISTORY

To fully state the description of Calvin and Hobbes, I take the liberty of quoting the author Bill Watterson as I find it’s the most appropriate description of Calvin ever. –”Calvin is autobiographical in the sense that he thinks about the same issues that I do, but in this, Calvin reflects my adulthood more than my childhood. Many of Calvin’s struggles are metaphors for my own. I suspect that most of us get old without growing up, and that inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way. I use Calvin as an outlet for my immaturity, as a way to keep myself curious about the natural world, as a way to ridicule my own obsessions, and as a way to comment on human nature. I wouldn’t want Calvin in my house, but on paper, he helps me sort through my life and understand it.” I again take the liberty to quote him for the most appropriate description of Hobbes too – “Named after a seventeenth-century philosopher with a dim view of human nature, Hobbes has the patient dignity and common sense of most animals I’ve met. Hobbes stands upright and talks of course, but I try to preserve his feline side, both in physical demeanor and his attitude. His reserve and tact seem very catlike to me, along with his barely contained pride in not being human. Like Calvin, I often prefer the company of animals to people, and Hobbes is my idea of an ideal friend.”

Calvin

What’s it like to fall in love?

Hobbes

Well… Say the object of your affection walks by…

Calvin

Yeah?

Hobbes

First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.

Calvin

That’s love?!?

Hobbes

Medically speaking.

Calvin

Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!

Why do I LOVE them?
There are thousand and one reasons for Calvin and Hobbes being special to me. This is one of the rare comic strips which makes you laugh and yet make you see the brighter side of life. Calvin’s and Hobbes’s discussion may make you laugh, but many a times there is an underlying message in them. Bill Watterson’s genius lies in bringing out that message in the most subtle way.

Hobbes: How come we play war but not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.

And it need not be that the author sends a message with each strip. The essence of the comic strip lies more in the word play. Calvin thinks bigger for his brain and Hobbes aptly but quietly supports him. Anything can happen in Calvin and Hobbes. Hobbes comes to life only around Calvin; otherwise he is a stuffed tiger – something the author has used beautifully to create a semi-fantasy world, where he could shift between reality and fantasy just as easily as he wants to! One of my favorite ones is when Calvin and Hobbes decide to go in future to remind his own self that he needs to do his homework, else he will suffer. The future self and his own self then decide to go back somewhere middle in time so that they both can remind the middle guy that he needs to do the homework! Eventually it’s the future Hobbes, and the current Hobbes which end up doing the homework (of course not done!)

“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.” – Calvin’s Dad

Of course Calvin and Hobbes are not alone. They are surrounded by a bunch of people whom they mostly hate. Calvin especially likes kicking Susie and is the joint president of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club. His parents are usually the frustrated lot with is behavior. He doesn’t like to bathe, doesn’t believe that school can actually help him become something. Some of the most hilarious strips are in his school when is caught by his teacher Mrs. Wormwood. The very face of that teacher has me ROLFing!

Calvin: Mom and Dad drive me crazy. They don understand me and I don’t understand them. Its hopeless. I am related to people I don’t relate!

Personally I feel that Calvin and Hobbes is one of most effective comic strip to be written. It is Insanely funny and at the same time conveys the meaning of life through a small kid and his tiger, something which is so much necessary in this world of violence where all that we read even in comics are the adventures of super heroes, bat man, pac man(?) and the gang. For more information on any Calvin and Hobbes and the books which exist, please visit http://www.reemst.com/calvin_and_hobbes/. Or else, simply read the Times of India!

Calvin:Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor. When you think about it, its weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We Laugh at nonsense. We think its funny. Don’t you think (Hobbes) its odd that we appreciate absurdity. Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?

Hobbes :: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.

The Pianist

by

At one point in the movie, the pianist asks his friend to help him out of the prison. The friend replies him back escaping from the prison was easy, but it was survival which would be tougher. This just about sums up the whole movie – Survival. The movie is a brilliant rendition of one man’s quest for survival, his sole determination to survive the holocaust and go about his life. Yet, the movie is not without its flaws, and these are the flaws which make the movie a very good movie, but not a masterpiece.

The Pianist

The pianist is the true story about Wladyslaw Szpilman, a famous pianist of Poland. The movie takes place in Warsaw, the Jew district of Poland and the proceedings from the beginning of the world war II in 1939 at Warsaw. The Pianist tells the true story of Wladyslaw Szpilman who is a Jew and undergoes the horror of the holocaust. Slowly after the Nazi invasion, their family is reduced to utter misery. The are sent to the infamous Warsaw ghetto where around 360000 Jewish people were held under one area. Things go worse then on, and the family is forced to go to the concentration camp. However with his misfortune or luck (whatever you call it), his friend from the German camp pulls him out and spares his life.

From then on, the movie focuses entirely on his desire to see it through. His desire to see through the war and survive. I wouldn’t really divulge more than this of the movie because it would spoil the effect of the movie. The pianist does survive to tell his story.

Direction, Acting.

Roman Polanski is often considered one of the best directors in Hollywood. He was offered “Schindler’s List to direct, which he refused. His choice of making this movie was more of trying to show what he went through as a child. He is himself a victim of the holocaust and survived the Nazi camps. His mother died in the camps, and his father fled from the war. His wife was also murdered by some cult group. Why am I telling you this? – Because, I think for this very reason, he is able to direct the movie brilliantly. He shows the utter inhumane treatment given to Jews by the Nazis and Germans. He is able to convey the horrors of war in its fullest extent and present it to the audience to sink it in. The lack of music in the movie itself allows the audience to sink the horrifying effects of war on him. He really deserved the Oscar for the best director for the movie. He gets the best from Adrian Brody as well – he completely deserved the best actor for the simple reason that his competitors this year were not as strong. The cinematography is simply first rate and gives full justice in brining out the horrifying times of the war.

Some Brilliant Scenes

There are couple of amazing scenes in this movie. Here are just a few of them. I have tried not to give away the context or where they come in the movie.

· The Pianist First performance and the scene afterward. Well lets say, it’s the first scene of the movie!

· The Pianist’s family sitting on the platform waiting for the train.

· The Pianist’s family witnessing the killing of another Jew by Nazis from a building window – amazing direction.

· The Pianist’s confrontation with a German Officer and the scenes afterwards.

· The scene where a German Officers chooses Jews at random and shoots them.

· The scene where the camera moves from the wall to show the destruction of the ghetto.

· Pianist’s survival with a disease in front of a hospital which he cannot go into because it’s a German hospital.

The Flaws

The Pianist for all its brilliance is a film with flaws – That too with big flaws. Now the big question is – was this how the true story too went or is it just in the movie. Throughout the movie, we see the pianist just trying to survive. Why? We don’t know. Just for survival? Eventually towards the end, I started pitying the pianist and hoped that he would die instead of living such a miserable life. His life constantly deteriorates and why he ever chooses to survive such humiliation and disgrace is something which I didn’t understand at all.

Secondly, the pianist never really acknowledges anybody’s help in him surviving. His surviving the holocaust had a lot to do with his friends and friend’s friends help to hide and make him live. Yet throughout the movie, he never seems to reciprocate them with any kind words at all. Instead, the pianist’s just simple aim of survival goes on and on. The pianist’s let go of his parents at the station is all too simple. He makes a feeble attempt to contact his family and then leaves them off at their own will. He never even makes an attempt to find out what happened to his family.

Thirdly, the Pianist never really feels anything for anyone. His is never effected by any other horror surrounding him. Probably that is what the director tried to convey in telling that his life was a misery enough for him to even think about others. However I did wish that at least somewhere the pianist tries to show emotions to his surroundings – sadly it never happens in the movie. The movie gets too involved in trying to show his loneliness and desperation and thus leaves out the emotion of the surroundings.

Finally…

Irrespective of the flaws which I thought of above, The Pianist is a deeply moving, brilliantly made, and partly disturbing movie. The movie has lots of gross and harsh scenes, but the matter requires him to show such disturbing scenes in the movie. Those very scenes signify the true horror of war – something our poor Iraqi friends too must be feeling right now. Its not about escaping the war that is difficult, its about surviving the war that is even more difficult. Roman Polanski delivers a strong film, though not quite in genre of “life is beautiful” or “Schindler’s List”. The movie’s message in today’s times about the horror of war is very effective. Every person in favor of liberation and war should give this movie a look and realize what wars can do. Rather, how much can war do.

”Escaping War is Easy, Surviving it isn’t”