‘We army fellows haven’t much brain to boast about, or so they tell us, but we try to talk sense’
‘I’m sure you do’
‘Thank You. And, if there were exams in talking sense, most of us would pass. Which is more than you can say for Staff College. I failed twice’
‘What a shame’
‘A shame! It was a record. I’m the only personl who’s been allowed to fail twice. Most people are allowed to fail once. That isn’t much of a qualification. But twice, madam, that shows’.
‘I’ m sure it does’
‘But what does it show, madam’
‘Quite frankly colonel, I’ve no idea’.
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[Me ROLFING loudly…Him sitting on my computer, doing something,  whistled back.]
Him: what happened to you?
Me: Man this is an amazing book! God, if this is how it will start, then how will it end?
Him: What will start?
Me: The book.
Him: That much I see for myself – I asked you what will start and what will end!
Me: The book. If it starts, it also ends right?
Him: Really? I haven’t heard of any books which don’t end…how interesting. Apparently you have gone nuts reading the book. Didn’t I tell you it was a great book?
Me: It is man, it is!!! I am absolutely nuts! No, the book is absolutely nuts.
Him: Carry on please, and the next time, would you keep your howling to yourself? It took me 2 complete seconds to understand the difference between your Laugh and …
Me: *#*&%*#( off.
‘…on the 12th December last, where were you at about 12.30 p.m?’
‘I remember very plainly’ said colonel.
‘Well, where was it then?’
‘D’ you mean exactly 12.30 pm sir?’
‘There or thereabouts’
‘I see’ said the colonel and paused. ‘That makes it more difficult, sir’.
‘why?’
‘I was in several places then’
‘You can’t be in several places at the same time!’
‘But you can be in several places about the same time! 12.29 is about the same as 12.30 and so is 12.31. If you take a long distance runner you will see…’
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[Me another round of ROLF and Him, yet again exasperated, hardly looking at me]
Him: All right dude – are you nuts?
Me: I am nuts. I am nuts on this book!
Him: Brilliant characterization of all characters eh? Is that why u are nuts? Are there all nuts in that book? A nut in need is a nut indeed? You are nuts over nuts?
Me: yeah dude! I am nuts over nuts – I am still thinking of the author – didn’t he go nuts writing this nut cracker? I am sure this happens with him all the time. He must have been around all the Nuts of the world to come up with such nutcases.
Him: If he had found you, you did also form a part of this book – what would you be?
Me: *%*$#%( off!
‘Let me ask you something else. How could you tell what color it was?’
By looking at it
…
‘And you think it was black?’
‘No’
‘Oh’ said Mr.Salter, ‘you don’t think it was black?’
‘No’
‘Then it was white?’
‘No’
‘But either it was black or white. You are not suggesting it was grey?’
‘No’
‘Then if you don’t think it was black, it was white;
‘No;
‘You admit it was either black or white and you don’t think it was black. It must have been white!’
‘No’
Â
[Should I tell you what happens…]
Him: Mere Bhagwan, are u nuts seriously?
Me: This time I am black and white!
Him: Black you are, white I doubt.
Me: Arre, I am talking of the character in this book! He is so funny! I am wondering how this nutcase will take the case ahead.
Him: which case?
Me: The nutcase?
Him: I know, there are several nutcases in the book right? I asked which case? Wait a minute…Which case are you talking about?
Me: The nutcase. That’s what you asked!
Him: Hell – not nutcase you nutcase, but ‘case’. You said he is taking the case ahead! Which case?
Me: The nutcase.
Him: *%#*$(($# . Read!
‘Could you have made a mistake?’
‘Yes’ said Mr. Piper
‘You admit that’
‘Yes, I could have made a mistake. But I didn’t. it was black. Perhaps’, he added, ‘you’d like to asked me if black doesn’t sometimes look the same as white?’
‘That’s a silly question’
‘But I did answer ‘YES’ to it’ said Mr.Piper
‘That Black sometimes looks the same as white?’
‘Often’, said Mr. Piper. ‘In the dark, you know’
Â
[Yet again me goes bonking…He goes honkers. This time he finally turns around]
Him: Allright you nutcase to the power of nutcase, I suggest you stop howling like misguided elephant and read the book.
Me: But yaar, its so funny!! I can’t believe it that such nutcases will give evidence in court! Oh god, how will the MP survive the case’
Him: MP? Which MP? There are no MPs in the book.
Me: Are you sure now that you aren’t nuts? This book is on MP right?
Him: Atrocious! The book is not about MP, its about three men.
Me: Three men? There are more than 10 in this book!
Him: Are u reading the one that I gave you?
Me: I am reading the one that you gave yesterday.
Him: Which was?
Me: yesterday! Of course that was yesterday right?!
Him: I know it was yesterday!!! Tell me what was it?
Me: what was what?
Him: U nutcase, what was the book I recommended to you!
Me: You recommended two yesterday…
Him: which one are you reading?
Me: I am reading both of them
Him: of course!!! Which are you howling upon so much?
Me: ‘Independent Witness’ of course!!! Didn’t you say I did go nuts if I read it?
Him: Aren’t I right?
Me: Right about what? The book being a nutcase or me?
Him: At last! What makes you think I didn’t mean you?
Me: You didn’t think me what?
Him: Nutcase
Me: Yeah, the book is a nutcase. You should read it again! Then both of us will go nuts! What joy! A single nut is boring, two will be good company!! Read the book please!
Him: Go ways *$#*^%*#$ off. Shoo! Shoo!
[The ‘Him’ is my friend – obviously! To give away the plot of the book would be killing a dead bird – please read the book. To even talk about anything else, too would be killing the dead bird again. It’s a Supreme comedy of Supremus heights.]
‘Not only the car did not stop, it also went ahead…’