Rants

a.k.a.: Rants

How to write a Harry Potter Movie Review

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I wrote this two years ago when the last Harry Potter reviews. Reading reviews of the latest HP movies, I see nothing much has changed in the reviews. Hence I’m also re-hashing my old post again, in the spirit of Harry Potter. Enjoy 😛

Every time a stupid potter movie comes out I see the same trashy reviews again and again. By this time, almost every reviewer under the sun has a ready template that is rehashed and reloaded every time a potter movie releases.

Hence, I present a how-to guide on writing a standard Harry Potter Movie Review, which will surely impress your readers and make them rush towards the nearest theater.

1) Begin your reviews with mix and match of following phrases – “Harry Potter comes of age…”, “Harry Potter Darker than ever…”, “The best Harry Potter yet…”, “Harry grows up in year…”

2) Make sure you devote an entire paragraph telling your readers how this Harry Potter movie is the “darkest” and “more scarier” than the other movies preceding it. Harry must fight the same idiotic villains who are now bigger, darker and evil than before. Caution parents that there are some elements of “fright” and “shrieks” in the right proportions. End the paragraph reassuring parents that though dark, Harry Potter is a thoroughly enjoyable fare for adults and children alike.

3) Slurp over how the special effects in annual Quiddich match gets better and better with each version. Doesn’t matter if that whole segment of the story has gotten rotten and boring.

4) Explain in detail about how “relationships” between the lead actor’s have evolved; how Ron and Hermione have come out of Harry’s shadows and made a place of their own in the series. Exclaim how Rupert Grint and Emma Watson have made the characters of Ron and Hermione their own identity. But at the end of it, don’t forget to credit it all to Daniel Radcliffe, and how he “holds” it together. This is after all his movie.

5) Spare a few words for that old bearded guy who must give his infinite pearls of wisdom to Harry when Harry must insist on behaving like a sissy kid. Exclaim again, how Harry has come of age in this movie, and his sensitive maturity shows. If you are conservative, might as well mention how “Christian” Harry is growing up to be. If you are liberal, gloat over his first glance to opposite sex, first time Harry and < enter random female > have eye contact and all.

6) End the review with glowing praise for < enter director name > and how he manages to capture the “essence of Harry Potter by making it his own” without disturbing the “sanctity of J. K. Rowling’s world”. Must mention again that this is effectively THE BEST Harry Potter yet.

7) Tell everyone how excited you are already about the next in the series!

GAHHHHH!!! Why doesn’t this movie series end!

Theme Change!

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Yet another theme change, with my intention to moving towards minimalism. Here is the gist of this theme change:

~ I wanted to move to really minimal design. I am tired of information clobbering up pages. Web 2.0 is great and all, but I am almost annoyed these days whenever I visit websites to see them so full of information and blocks all around. I want to go back to old days, where the page is simple, fast to load and clean. I think I am ready to look beyond today’s web designs.

~ The theme change itself isn’t that dramatic. I just modified my old theme a bit and made it a 1 post theme only. Now, this is as bare minimum as I want to keep (Notice, there is still a category drop down. I am in half a mind that to pull it too!).

~ I am done with Adsense / Textlink or any other forms of advertising. I have reached a stage in my life where I don’t want Google or any other company to dictate how I put my information on which page. This is my webpage, and I will put stuff the way I deem fit. I am done with page ranks, SEO, adsense and all that jazz. If anything I will use my other web playgrounds to test with those technologies. This website is purely going to by personal web stop.

~ Care for the user. I am not a popular blogger and nobody realistically goes back to read my archives. I have no desire in knowing how many people follow me anymore, nor do I care about which areas of my website do they click. All things said and done, majority of my users read only latest posts, which is what they will get on front page from now on. My regular and faithful readers who do wish to go back in time will definitely know how to do it 😉

~ Readying for a photoblog. Eventually I want this theme to extend itself as a photoblog + blog framework. Hence the desire to move towards single post / nothing else look.

This theme may change over a period of time in the next few weeks. For now, the basic layout of this will remain. Lets see how far in minimalism can I get without just vanishing content of my web page hehe!