General

The Reunion

by

Two days ago we had a reunion. My roommate from grad study days came from western side to our lands to show his wife around town, and also meet us up. Its funny, three years have just flown by. So much had changed, and yet nothing had changed. We had grown older, much mature, and could boast of having three credit cards in our wallet. And yet at the same time, our conversation started from where we left off. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t called each other up since last three years, emailed just twice in those years, and all of us knew that after the reunion, it would be the same till next meet up.

We knew he was going to come over since the last two months; that was the last mail I had gathered from another friend who’d got the mail. I was not sure he and his wife would want to meet me at all – after all time had passed, and I hadn’t even got an email or a phone call about the visit. I am not sure what that feeling was, but it was a weird feeling, a feeling of insecurity perhaps that we would come face to face after three years. Somehow memories of past haunted me that morning.

Morning turned to afternoon – and my friend called up that he and his wife were coming to my place, and he would join us too. This caught me by a little surprise – why not call me? Will it be OK for him to be at my dirty place? What if? In the next half hour, I cleaned my place as much as I could – not because I wanted to impress him, but I didn’t want her to feel bad about it. And at the same time, I was not sure what to expect… by the time they were about to arrive, I was already in two minds if I wanted to meet him at all. I just didn’t think it would be an appropriate meet, and was almost certain it would lead to an uncomfortable situation all around. My friend arrived, but these guys were still finding the directions to the place.

Eventually after ten minutes, the bell rang. With a twitching feeling in my stomach I walked to the door and opened it, expecting the worst.

And yet, when I opened door, the first thing that we roommates did was to hug and greet each other; a genuine feeling of happiness that comes after meeting someone after that many years.

Suddenly, at that instant, the past didn’t matter anymore *.

We had a great time in the afternoon – we recalled our graduate days and our days when each penny was accounted for, each frivolous spending analyzed in detail over spreadsheets, those countless fights over who would cook each night of the week, and then the complains over how bad the food was, the fights over who would make tea, who would serve it and who would wash the vessel (one of those three would never happen), and our wild parties we held at home because we couldn’t afford the luxury of expensive pubs and restaurants, those days of despair over not getting funding, or the genuine joy on hearing someone get a joy (with a customary question – “kitna mila?”), those days when only he and the other roommate had cars, both vintage variety, but served the purpose, the days when we set out on our bi-annual house cleaning marathons (which was forced because the roach population would have hit the 10 million mark by then), the typical fob art of using a coal refill glass for more than a week together to save money, the trips to temples for free food, the snow fights, another guy’s hauntingly tasty Dosas and Idlis, and the fights we had till the end of day when we parted, and some even after, with one leaving a bitter taste and some not.

Yes, there was so much to talk about – we saw the pictures that I have collected over the years of the grad studies – we all looked so different in present day, not just physically but in every sense. We looked back at them with wonder, and laughed at our own stupidity, and suddenly all those fights which we fought with tooth and nail for, have become just another incident to laugh ourselves off.

Later we headed out, and we met up with another roommate, and had a gala time – which resulted into many more hours of catching up and catching on. By the time we had bid good byes, it was more 3 in the morning. As I walked back to my apartment in wee hours, I don’t know why but I had a smile on my face.

I felt happy.

* Time is a great healer. Sometimes its just easy to forget and go on. When we all got jobs and moved apart, I and my roommate didn’t exactly depart with happy words for each other. I knew that both of our natures were such that we would gladly overlook it and move on. And yet after three years, that tinge of insecurity had remained before we met – what if we didn’t overlook this one incident? I am glad we did.

Welcome Back.

by

If you are seeing this post then, you have moved to my new domain host. Please leave me a comment if you are seeing this post to confirm it.

Thanks so much!

Aapka Laadla.

MOVING MOVING MOVING!

by

All,

I am finally changing my domain hosting from Ace-Host to Blue-Host. Ace-host has been good, but I think at this point I need something new to add more stuff on to my domain.

You may face periods where you wont be able to access the site at all 🙂 – Please bear with me.

Thank you!

Suyog

PS: You should see a new post there directly. If you see a new welcome post, then comment on it so that I know that transfers have finished 😀 – I know I am lazy and I want to type unix commands 😛

The Doctor’s Office

by

I hate going to doctors. Period. I just can’t stand any clinics, nor do I get any joy in sitting in front of a doctor who proceeds to tell me what is wrong with my body: “You have fever”.

Of course bumblehead, who would’ve thought? Why would I be in a doctor’s office otherwise if I didn’t know what I was feeling? Anyhow, after two frustrating visits to a doctor last few weeks, somewhere I have to let go – and you my dear readers are the guinea pigs to vent my frustration – tch! tch!

For all its medical marvel, USA is hopelessly lost when it comes to meeting your doctor. The fun usually begins on the phone:

Me: I would like to meet my doctor sometime – I have fever and wanted to see him.
Office Manager (usually a rude I-know-it-all type): Well the doctor’s calendar is full till next August… can you wait until then?

Me: Of course Queen Latifah, I am sure I could – will my virus wait though? More importantly will I survive though?
Office Manager: Sir, are you feeling sick?

Me: Of course not honey, I just felt like chirping on your window. Of course I am ill, and that’s the reason I want to see the doctor – he is supposed to be my primary care physician – if he can’t see me when I need him to, well what’s the use?!
Office Manager: Do you have insurance?

Me: Yes
Office Manager: Which company?

Me: Blah Blah
Office Manager: Can you give me the details?

Me More Blah
Office Manager: I will need to check up with insurance first if you are still valid, and then we can setup an appointment (meanwhile, if you die, best of luck).

After a while…

Office Manager: You can see the doctor at 9.15 am Friday morning.
Me: Oh thank you so much – I have hopes of survival.

Come Friday morning, here am I sitting in a dark stuffy place that looks straight out of Moby Dick Detective Office. Seriously, did the doctor get his roles confused – I wondered.

Again at the counter, I finally see the miss-I-know-it-all Office Manager (now referred as OM)

OM: You here to see the doctor?
Me: No I was just passing by, so I thought I would see your sweet little ruby face before I went ahead… but seriously of course!

OM: Sir, you need to fill in these three forms if you are first time patient… we also need you to verify your insurance and more blah.

After filling in the forms, OM refers me to take a seat.

9.15 turns to 10.30

Me, getting a little frustrated: Umm, when will I see the doctor?
OM: Oh, he’s running a little behind! We’ll call you once he’s ready… (hello, “ready”?)

11.45 am

OM: The doctor is ready to see you!

So after waiting more than 2 hours I finally get to meet my doctor face to face – but wait – there needs to be some drama before that. So before I meet the doctor, I am checked for my weight, my blood pressure, how much air goes into my lungs, how healthy is my heart, how good can I breathe – all of this which has nothing to do with the reason I came visiting: fever.

Which incidentally the doctor told me with much glee after waiting 2 and half hours: “You have fever”.

Anyhow, I take his prescription, and just as the doctor is about to end his pep talk about don’t do this, don’t eat that, do this, sleep there, drink that he slips:

“Oh by the way if this prescription doesn’t work out for you, you’ll need to see me again”

How lovely.

“And I think if you’ve not got a full physical and blood test, I suggest you get one next time – Since you said that you fell sick three times in the last month, we need to be sure if you are OK!”

My heart skips a beat here – just when I thought it was just “fever”, my doctor had to spoil it for me:

“If this medicine doesn’t cure you and you get fever again, then I think I am afraid something must have gone wrong with your immune system….so I suggest you get blood work done!”

Did he just say “immune system”? Hello hell-brother, anything related to immune system doesn’t sound nice. Thank you St. Peter, you have convinced me for blood work.

2 weeks later I am back again at my doctor’s office, today morning, for the bloody blood test. I have been advised to have absolutely nothing for 12 hours before the test – and since the appointment was at 11.15 am, I didn’t have tea, nor breakfast. So here was in doctor’s office again waiting for my turn:

Miss-know-it-all: You here to see the doctor?! (Ah, now I understand why she asks such questions).
Me: No – I am here for blood tests.

OM: Have a seat please, we’ll call you.

12.00 PM

Me: Well, umm when will I get to finish this? You see I haven’t eaten anything since last 14 hours and I am hungry…
OM: You are just next in line…

12.40 PM

OM: Sir, we are ready – please step in.

Now just as I step inside, the same routine begins:

OM: Please step on the weight scale…

Me: Listen – I just came in two weeks ago; nothing dramatic has happened – so how about you copying my last time results and we move ahead?
OM: We’ve to do it by protocol sir…

Me finally losing it: Lady, either you take my blood now, or I am going to have a burger!
OM: No problem sir – I don’t think you’ve changed much since last time. Lets go ahead…

So the burger threat worked – I smirked! So skipping past the few things, here am I again as a part of full physical, getting to know what my heart does in some form of EKG. So here am I on the table with electrodes all over my body, and the machine printing some wiggly lines all over it.

Me to OM: Do you know what it is?
OM: It is normal. Your heart is normal.

Me: How does an abnormal heart look?
OM: I don’t know sir –your doctor will tell you more…

Did she just say doctor? Hello, I was here to give my blood – not see my doctor. But no! Since I have entered the doctor’s premises, the doctor couldn’t let go off a quick chit chat would he?

So after donating quite some amount of blood and getting all the wiggly lines that mattered, I am sitting in my doctor’s office, who comes in after a good half hour. Time at this junction is 1.30, at which point I am completely famished.

“Good to see you again Suyog! How are you feeling now…? I remember you were feeling sick last time”

Me: That was the only reason I came here… hehe.

“Anyhow, lets look at your EKG Suyog – you see these wiggly lines, they tell us how your heart is functioning and how flow of blood goes through”

Now these squiggly lines looked anything but English to me – a blip here a dip there, but wiggly nonetheless, when the doctor points to repetitive sequence of small squiggly lines at the edge of big squiggly sine waves and says:

“Now these are some small lines which I am concerned about Suyog!”

Hell no! Not again.

“You see in medical industry we try to standardize every parameter of human body – like weight of body, height and all. Similarly we are now starting to standardize the normal position of heart in the body…”

Did he just say “position of heart”? This better be good…

The doctor then proceeded to draw a normal parabolic curve and indicated – “95% of people fall in the normal range, while there are a few people who are still normal and yet fall out of this range…”

“These lines seem to indicate that your heart is not exactly in left of your body, maybe a little off”

HELLO!

“And you see this second blip on the wave here – this indicates that the flow of current also turned inward – which would indicate that your heart is also a little tilted towards inside… you get what I am saying?”

HELL NO! My heart – tilted? The images of my heart dangling loose by some veins and finding support at base of my lungs immediately came into my mind… what if my veins didn’t hold up…no!”

“So I think we should go ahead and do a detailed sonogram of your heart and a detailed EKG. I am sure there is nothing to worry here, but I just want to see if this is a point of concern…”

“Of course doctor – what do I need to do?” (Ah, the doctor has succeeded in his diabolical plan by now)

“Nothing just take an appointment and come over… by that time your blood tests will also have come up and we can talk in detail…”

So finally at 2.00 pm, I am back with the OM.

OM: You need another appointment?!
Me: No. You look so ethereal, so I just wanted to stare at you for a few more minutes…

OM: The next available appointment is in August!

Wait. Isn’t that what she said last time too? But this time I was glad than ever.

“Of course – no problem honey. I am ready to wait. August it is!”

So, 4 weeks from now I am going back, yet again, to my doctor’s office to confirm if my heart is really tilted or not. For 27 years of my existence I thought my heart was valiant, brave, withered all storms, survived heartbreaks, obesity and the likes. And now, I realize how a precarious life it has led to make me survive. I owe my heart a lot.

And now I need to know if the poor thing is not dangling for its life. Jeez! I hate doctors.

The Wierd Tag

by

Just when I had given up hopes that someone would tag me, the good ol Nirwa has just done that – she’s tagged me to a subject that’s pretty close to her heart.

The tag in question is: 5 weirdest things about yourself.

I immediately told Nirwa that knowing her itself was weird enough, what more could she expect?

Nonetheless, here are 5 weird things about you me you didn’t know, and after reading wished that you didn’t know 🙂

5 – As a youngster I had a great appetite for chalk, raw turmeric, and umm… sand. I could eat sand for breakfast lunch and dinner if someone let me have my way. If not sand I could stuff up turmeric or chalk for hours together. Legend has it that my parents would keep me locked in the house with a bottle of turmeric and go shopping. By the time they were done, I would have cleaned the bottle. Years later, maybe I have outgrown raw turmeric and sand, but I would do anything to get that chalk piece again. You remember those thin ones? Not the fat ones used in school, but the ones you use on slate? Yes – those are the tastiest.

4 – One of my nicknames in college was “Pizza”. Back then, eating “Pizza” was hip. Yeah – those were the days. And I loved Pizza until Bush made me taste his version of Pizza, after which I loathe it to no end. That’s beside the point – my friends would often call out to me as “Abbe Pizza” and such. I don’t know if it was my extra large size coupled with the fact that I loved cheese (back then) that prompted the name.

3 – I have a good record of starting things that I never finish. I became boy scout, but never progressed, started tae kwon do but those bricks scared me, learnt guitar but never mastered it, learnt tae kwon do again but this time the instructor broke his arm in a karate championship and never taught us again thereafter, started writing a book which I got bored of myself, tried learning swimming at least thrice (OK, this one I did it! Ye!) – Once started writing a “suspense” short story which began with an anonymous phone call to umm not the hero, but his mother. I actually wrote “Tring Tring” to indicate phone ring 🙂

2 – I cannot read old haggard books. I like my books, fresh and new – I am addicted to the smell coming from the pages of freshly printed books – umm yummy. That’s why I cannot buy second hand books either – the book has to smell good for me to read it! I am man of taste you see.

1 – From my adolescence, I have this recurring feeling that one day I will get up and declare – “its all a dream!” And then when I get up, I notice that I am still a boy of 7 years, sleeping on the terrace in Ahmedabad, and the scorching sun is hurting my vision. I laugh to myself that I had dreamt for years ahead, and go down.

Now 5 people whom I want to tag, hehheh.

Jedi – I know he’s been tagged already, but I will force him with one more vote.
Karan
Sudipta
Greatbong – it will be interesting to see what he has to say if he accepts the tag 🙂
Tapan
&
Pavan

🙂

Starry Starry Nights

by

My last post on depression in some ways inspired this post. Re-reading that post reminded me of an incident in my first year of hostel life, or rather beginning of second year, the days during which my exam results were announced. I remember this because there was something about it which proved as a spark in my rebound from depression; it was not a special incident, and frankly nothing dramatic happened either – but somehow it is still etched in my memory.

It was the days during which our first semester results were going to be announced. Being the lazy sloth I was, and still under depression, I was frankly hoping against hope of clearing all my exams in one go – in fact if I did, then I would have been surprised. There was a surprise – no, a better word would be “shock” when the results came out. I had managed to fail in 4 subjects, and meagerly make it out in other three. Out of the 7 subjects that we gave, I had managed a feat of failing in 4, and failing badly at that. That probably was the pits when I was in depression. It was the end of the world as I saw it; Parents would be shocked and they would shout at me, I had figured, and frankly saw my whole life wasted out.

However, as Karan mentioned in my last post, there comes a point when you tend to be in depression so long that you actually begin to enjoy it! That was precisely beginning to happen – so I would harp on my achievements or lack of it in front of my friends; but secretly I would be sad and jealous that I couldn’t clear my exams as my both roommates had done (clearing the exam was the only priority then).

It was probably a few nights after the results, when I was still sulking, and it was after dinner, that my roommate said “Lets go for a walk!”

The night was looking pretty nice with cool breeze blowing, with a sky full of stars. Hubli being a small town, it did not have that halogen glow over it restricting the view of stars – infact, the days we had a power loss, often we would sit out looking at the sky, full of stars – sometime you could make out the edges of the milky way.

“Sure” I said, not knowing why my roommate would ask me to go for a walk with him in the night (Why me?). As we left the building, we decided to take a circle around both our hostel and the senior hostel, and return to our hostel by road besides our sports ground.

For most part, I and my roommate didn’t talk much. It was as if we did not want to talk, but keep walking. As we reached the desolate part of the area between the ground and our hostel, he spoke up in Kannada: “You know, you really need to figure out what you are doing!”

“What?” I quizzed him, instantly realizing the direction this discussion was headed to.

“Nothing – its about your results – you are down 4, you need to think about it” – He said. I smirked at that comment. He asked me then– “Do you want to tell me something?”

“Tell you what?” I asked him, still trying to joke around, when he quipped – “Anything at all?”

I don’t know why, and frankly I don’t even remember why after all these years, but I do remember this – at the end of it, the look on my roommate’s face was that of “I will never ask you this again!” – I remember telling him that night about my depression; I remember telling him how my life sucked, and how I had lost so many good things in life; I remember telling him too how I hated Hubli and wanted to be in Ahmedabad, and how I had been forced to be in Hubli by my parents; About the girl that I liked so much back then; About disappointing everyone around me; And about my disappointment that nobody really shouted at me or anything because I failed – I had expected it, but it didn’t happen.

Frankly I don’t even remember finishing off my story to him – after all it was not an endless walk to the hostel. All I remember though was that night I and my roommate became better friends; It was nearly 7 months we had been staying together, and we were good friends already, but that evening he became a better friend of mine; maybe because he just listened to what I had to say, without telling me what I needed to do.

Things didn’t change overnight in my life after that night, but that night helped me get some of my thoughts out in the wind. My roommates words didn’t necessarily change my attitude towards life dramatically the very next day either, but I guess somewhere along, it always remained that much needed impetus that was required to kick start a thinking process.

And it was neither the first walk we had gone after dinner, neither the last one we too. Usually three or four of us would go walking every night. But that night, it was just a walk, under the starry starry night.

It took me another 2 years to get my backlogs over my back. And frankly that part itself is another story which I will put up sometime. However I never failed again throughout my engineering. At the peak of my engineering, in seventh semester I had topped couple of subjects not only in my college, but university as well. That night of the results, one person I would have loved to go for a walk lay smiling, six feet under.

How Depressing!

by

I had written a post long ago about on how to handle depression (around 3 years back) – it was in a lighter vein, and meant to be rather humorous, but I think it had conveyed the point back then. Here is that post again, though I have managed to add a lot more to the original article and perhaps given the issue a serious perspective it may have missed out the first time.

Death is hereditary.

Does it make you feel better? If yes, well you are pretty much over depression. If no, oh boy you need some serious tips from an old timer like me. Note that by giving tips on depression doesn’t mean I don’t go into depression – in those cases, I merely read other blog posts on handling depression. They are great! After all giving advice is easy, and who says I shouldn’t be parting some free advice?

Life is a tragedy of ungrateful events, only happening to the person who is depressed. Its normal to think: why me?? – Over the years I have also learnt to ask myself: Why Not Me?? The second question has probably helped me find many answers in life when I am in depression.

Example:


Why did my GF have to ditch me? Well, when she had better options why she should not? If I found a more beautiful girlfriend, I did ditch her too hehe.

Why did I get a layoff?? ? Why Not should I get a layoff? The next high paying job and was always ready to bid you a good bye!?

Why did I fail?? Why shouldn’t I fail? Did I study in the first place??

But he passed copying from me!? ? Why should not he pass? He was smart enough and luck favored him?!

Tip 1: Cheer up, the worst is yet to come!

Are you not doing well in your life? Have you failed in relationships? Are you depressed? Are you affected by black magic? Do you suffer loss in your business? Contact Ajmeri Baba. All your problems will be solved in 7 days guaranteed. If not, try Peer Syed Sahib; if all else fails contact Pandit Maharaj. If everything fails, then you are probably depressed. There is nothing much to do 🙁 Your life is a mess and even astrologers couldn’t cure it. What will you do? Where will you go?? Tsk! Tsk!

Seriously speaking, the thing that I have always found when you are depressed is that everything usually gets worse, to the point that I feel there is no way out. And just when you think that there is a slight hope of something good happening to you, something worse happens to you dragging you back to the alleys of depression. And frankly speaking there is no way out unless you just begin to pull yourself out. Depression is like an endless well – andha kuva – the deeper you get into it, the harder it is for you to climb out of it. And then one day, you will stop seeing light from the bottom of the well – yes, that’s how deep you can go.

Tip 2: Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

Anyone seeing International Zee TV surely know whom I am talking about – if you missed these ads, man, you have been watching too much Ekta Stuff (I must add – avoiding her serials is a good way to begin…)

Start by avoiding astrologers and other fancied myths surrounding our world; If your Pandit told you to sit in the center of your living room with your face facing the sky so that suns rays help you clear your mind, he is probably twitching his stomach behind your back and getting a good laugh! Get real! You pretty much landed in the mess yourself, and now that you are in the mess there are only two options:

(i) Get out of it or
(ii) Stay.

If you decide to stay, there is nothing much you can do. If you decide to get out of it there only two options:

(i) Think how to get out of it or
(ii) Dream of getting out of the mess.

If you chose the second option, well, keep dreaming and hoping sweetheart. If you chose option 1, then there are just two options

(i) You either get out by thinking smart or
(ii) You don’t.

If you don’t, well hard luck – worry not, you have only two options still:

(i) Get out of depression or
(ii) Stay.

If you came till the first option, you did be looking for an egg to hit on my head to have read this crap.

Seriously speaking, I think that perhaps the only cure to depression is the person himself. Unless you decide to come out of it once and for all, you always keep hoping and looking for next available excuse to make your life better. The problem is, for every good excuse, you have an equally lousy excuse to get back into depression.

Simple effective tricks often created wonders – and one of the things that always worked for me has been writing. I have still maintained that some of the most humorous stuff I wrote has been during times I have been depressed. Back in my first year of engineering, I think I had hit a pit – life was going no where, and nothing was going according to the sweet world I had imagined. Things were just as bad as it could get.

I have no idea, why I did this – but this is what I did – I picked up an empty notebook and began writing “I will change for the better” on each line, 5 lines a day, just before I went to sleep. Over months I had filled half the book with just “I will change for the better”. I remember after month or two I had actually finished the sentence “I will change for the better” with the question – “when?”– That was probably a big turning point, because at that point, I was depressed of being depressed – and felt there was an immediate need to come out of it. Needless to say, things started looking up thereafter.

Tip 3: Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

How does it relate to depression? Simple: do things which you think can do and try to do them right. I know you were in middle of building the next space shuttle to transport your girlfriend to Uranus when depression struck (sigh), but I can understand. Tragedies compound and convolute and attack together. So then what will you do if you cannot get the rocket thruster right for the space shuttle? Nothing: Go back to basics – Start again, and right this time.

Don’t grumble you should have never got that girlfriend; there is nothing you could do about it. Think about getting the shuttle right. Maybe if you could get it right, you could send her flying into a galaxy far far away. Try not to be the pessimist and expect things to happen. They will never happen.

Seriously speaking simply put: Stop thinking too much. Think of simpler things in life and plan on getting them right.

Tip 4: Every problem has a solution provided it is someone else’s problem.

You remember you helped out a friend with alcohol problem 2 years ago? That drug problem last year your friend suffered and you were there to help him out? Your miserable friend was also ditched by GF and you filled her place for a while? You suggested your colleague to take a trip to Australia with his girlfriend while you looked after his dogs and lizards? Your benevolent soul gave some wonderful tips to him to relieve of depression. Isn’t it wonderful giving an advice? I love it too – don’t you love it too?

Things are simpler from another person’s perspective – always. And there is always a solution to someone else’s problem, but not your own. You have two options here:

(i) Talk to a sensible friend who is not depressed and just listen.
(ii) Or talk to another depressed person, preferably more depressing than you who will make your realize how good your life is.

If you chose option 2, then restart. If option 1 fails, then assume you are a friend of a person having the same problem as you. Assume you are not you, but him. And he is not him, but you. Woh joh hain woh woh nahi hain, woh tum ho. Tum jo ho, woh tum nahi ho, tum woh ho (Remember Andaz Apna Apna). Get the idea? Okay, now what would the first suggestion you did give your friend in depression with similar symptoms?

Think really hard: that’s what probably you should be doing too.

Seriously speaking, another facet that I have always managed to see is that nobody wants to be friends with depressing people. And frankly why they should – the result is depressing people more or less end up with depressing company. The thing is, everyone in the world wants to be happy around other people – even me too – if I find a person too depressing and boring, I will frankly start avoiding that person, unless he or she happens to be one of my closest buddies. I can try to help him, provided he wants to listen – else its the same story again.

Sometimes it helps to just talk it out. Grab a friend and empty all your sorrow on him – yeah yeah, he will probably get sick of you and never wish to see your lousy face again, but that is not the point. The point is you have talked to someone. In reverse, it is also helpful if you just listen. Do nothing – just listen to what people have to say to your problem. Not all solutions look appealing, and frankly for a depressed person, no solution looks like a good solution. But after having listened, think, just for a while if some idea made sense. Talking and listening, are perhaps one of the best things you can do.

Tip 5: If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

As I said, life is a miserable bitch with one bad event after another happening. Try to look at the brighter side (which I am also accused of not doing, though advice dene mein kya jaatha hain??). There are many things that can happen in our life, which frankly others may have just wished for to, happen in theirs – comparing yourself to them, you should be lucky that such goodness could happen.

As a general rule, there are always people in this world that are much more luckier than you, much more happier than you, much more richer than you and much more successful than you are, and chances are great that they are your good friends. You can either be depressed that your life is not going like your friends, OR, you can decide that once and for all its time to shut up and start acting on setting things right. There will be lots of obstacles in the way, and you will not be successful in implementing many an idea – but even if you manage to get 1 out of 5 things right in your life, you’ve made a start.

As a parting gift, remember a golden principle in life that should make your life much simpler to lead:

God loves you. Everyone else thinks you are an as****e.

Random Saturday Musings

by

Nothing much to report except for a few things here and there:

My friend who moved into her new swanky apartment hasn’t stopped talking about… her stainless steel appliance kitchen. After all the hype she generated, I must say I was completely taken aback – the kitchen rocks – and the stainless steel gives it a very posh feel. Now only if she would cook and feed me everyday…

To match the appliances, she said she’s got a very “pretty” stainless steel trash can, but it seems the trashcan is so pretty that she doesn’t feel like trashing anything in it!

…So off she goes to buy another trashcan, suitably unattractive to throw trash, while the pretty trashcan can add glamour to the kitchen.

My friend remarked that most Indian Saas-Bahu dramas were made of –

“Arre Bahu, aaj khaana kyo jala diya thune?”
“Kyonki aapne kal jalaya tha khana Maaji, isiliye!”

  • Type.

I couldn’t agree more.

At a furniture store, I and my friend were looking at a brown “side-table” to the sofa, while his girlfriend was engaged in a very colorful discussion with the saleswoman:

Girlfriend to saleswoman “Which color is this?!” (Brown, as we “guys” thought it was…)

“You know, its not really brown, it actually dark brown, and believe it or not, it has hues of red!” (I and my friend to each other, mentally: Where?! – his girlfriend nodding in agreement with saleswoman)

The saleswoman continues: “I know its not exactly that brown – you know it reminds me of the bamboo with red and brown hues! Every time I see this I think of bamboo with brown and red shades…)” (I and my friend: – Red bamboo?!)

The saleswoman still emphasizing: “You know, I think coffee bean color would be the most appropriate to describe this! It has that black feel to it, which is very much coffee like. You could say its coffee bean color with a light touch of dark red hue!” (At this point, I am unable to control my laughter – the saleswoman looking at me, giving me a very “you-don’t-know-anything-about-colors” look, walked away).

I to my friend, who by now has also started laughing: Its brown!

I live a very discolored life 🙁

Reservation

by

Bad politicians are elected by good people who don’t vote.

That’s the price the educated that did not steer out of their homes to vote, have to pay to witness the current government about to pass the Reservations Bill. Yes, educated people – the uneducated, the backward, the oppressed, the SC/ST and everyone you can think of have finally proven that they are the majority, and not you. They are the one’s that count – not you. And why shouldn’t they? After all, they voted. You didn’t.

The fact is you didn’t vote, because you felt “What’s the use?” You didn’t vote because you were “educated” and understood that all politicians are crooked, and you were better off not voting. You didn’t vote because you always believed “Nothing’s going to change anyways!”

It’s a sad state now, the government who is merely trying to appease the people who voted for them, is now at loggerheads with the educated people who didn’t vote them out in the first place. Its sad the educated majority don’t really care about themselves and their future, let alone the country. The SC/ST/BC votes, whether they were bought, tricked or were honestly got doesn’t matter. What matters is, the 70% majority lay stupid, watching Hum Aapke Hain Koun on TV on day of elections, little knowing that the government would soon ask the same question “Hum Aapke Hain Koun?” back to them.

So the government goes ahead and gives the SC/ST/BC/OBC what they wanted: A reservations bill increasing quota in elite institutions (Read IIM and IIT) to 49.5% and introducing reserved quota to 27% in higher education, under the garb of increasing “seats”. After all, they are the people who voted, didn’t they?

Over the history of time, we’ve observed only 1 thing. That only fittest survive on this planet. Nature has never made any provisions so that a certain “malformed bacteria” could get a second chance to become a poly headed hydra. No sirs. Dinosaurs were not given preferential treatment post meteor crash so that they could “come up” in their life.
In a simple tone – there were no “Reservations”, and if there were, it hasn’t helped any.

Reservations don’t need to exist in this modern day and age – the reservation system needs to be abolished once and for all – it’s a dog eat dog capitalist world; and its survival of the fittest. That has been the rule of the law, and nature. Those who could not fight have not survived. Reservations are a sure shot success to dependence rather than independence. And reservations have ensured that those animals that were stronger and would survive, will now have to compete with weaker animals, and still find it difficult to live. And it has also ensured that a weak animal can also become the king of the jungle provided he’s been given enough reservations and special treatments.

And whose fault is that? Its the fault of the educated youth that they don’t vote and don’t elect people who can do something for them; its not about whether politicians are honest or not, its about having your representative in the government to do your work, however dirty. It is as simple as that – the educated and the majorities sadly have no one in the government to fight for their cause, simply because they haven’t elected any. Those who were elected now want to safeguard their votes by giving more and more privileges to the supposedly “underprivileged”. Neither the politicians are doing anything wrong, neither are those who voted for them frankly. After all, if I voted someone to power, wouldn’t I want that person to do something for me?

Its all about the vote. And the majority better comes to terms with it.

This is a problem that the young and resurgent India needs to face in the longer run. We see country wide protests against reservations, which is the first step in the right direction, however it is neither the root nor the end of the problem. The majorities, the doctors and others may win their war against reservations; however that does not mean that such things will not be repeated. And if they don’t win their war against reservations, it does not mean more will not follow either!

What is also needed at this hour is education to the young and educated, and the majority about the power of voting. Its not about who is a crooked politician or not, its about having a man on your side. And the only way you can get a man on your side is to vote for right man; if not the right man, well at least the man who doesn’t come after you. The people who form the majority of population need to be educated that they are the ones who need to call the shots. Its time that people left the garb of secularism and do what’s right in the interest of everyone, which means equal opportunity to everyone without any bias.

And to do that, people need to be educated today. And when the next election comes, come out in numbers and vote for those who will do something for them. Not sit at home watching “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna”.

Headline in Times of India, 2020.

Government agrees to increase Brahmin quota from 3% to 5%….

The bride-hunt gossip! Part – 2

by

Continued from Part 1 …

Now, what happens when after meeting a girl, you go to see your cousin brother’s new born son at his in-laws place? What happens when a old woman who is an old friend of theirs stops by at the in-laws place, when we too are there playing with the infant? What happens when this old woman discovers a suitable boy sitting right in front of her? What happens when the old woman’s nephew turns out be a former college mate of mine during our engineering days?

Of course – you end up meeting the old woman’s girl!

Rule #4: If sister exists, please accompany with her.

Two in a day you ask? Yes, two in a day – and much to my shock, it was third for the poor girl. Now, don’t ask me why I did not refuse to meet the girl immediately, but suffice to say my requests went unheard in the general euphoria about how such “sudden meets” often turn into fruitful relations, and how “God only made us meet like this so that such meeting was possible” talks.

So its evening, and much to my disappointment, I had to cut short my visit with my nephew; “he still has to grow, but you have to marry!” was the consolation I received. Anyhow, without being unfair to the girl, I decided maybe its me who has be the more proactive one here and not make the girl uncomfortable.

We reached their place in the evening, and after the usual pleasantries and hi-hellos, I again told my folks that I would rather talk to the girl alone. Once inside the room alone, and with morning experience still ringing in my head, I felt I was suddenly out of ideas – I didn’t know what to ask her. After five long minutes of staring, smiling, looking elsewhere and staring back at each other, I finally broke in, in English:

“So what did you study?”
“I did blah blah blah and I am currently doing blah blah blah”
“Oh really!”
“Yes”
Silence
“What do you like to do otherwise daily?”
“Nothing really!”

Arggh! There I go again, and just when I was about to give up my hopes on her, I asked her if she wanted to ask me something – and that is when she started speaking. Yes, she was a bit different from the morning one – she was at least talking a lot.

She asked a lot about my friends, my life, my job, and what I did in free time, and such stuff, with every bit of our conversation happening in English. I don’t know – I have this habit of picking up a conversation in one language and then staying on with it – it frankly never occurred to me that we both were Kannadigas, and we probably could have talked in Kannada.

Finally she quipped –

“Do you know Kannada?”

That took me by surprise – I could only stutter – “Yes… Yes I do know. I am sorry I didn’t mean to carry the entire conversation in English”

She said: “No No I was just wondering… You seem very “forward” person to me!”

I was like – what? “Forward” – I always thought only girls were “forward” and not guys. But here was I, proven completely wrong. Actually I didn’t even know what to tell her – should I retort and say “No I am not forward – but conservative” or should I just say “I am not forward, you are backward (eew, bad joke)”, or “Which village do you come from?” – Thankfully I asked none of it.

The meeting ended after another 5 minutes; Not that there were too many faults with her at all, but something was amiss between us – and no it was not certainly the forward factor. It just didn’t click. Later my aunt who accompanied us also quipped that her “cousin sister” who didn’t come out of the kitchen all this while, was much “prettier” and perhaps we should arrange a meeting with her instead!

I was like – what?! And then my aunt recited a story about how when her son was seeing girl, he actually ended up liking the sister better! And then when they asked for her sister’s hand, the girl in question retorted to her sister it was pretty unfair that instead of her, it was her sister who would probably get the handsome hunk! Hence their family rejected the ideal altogether to maintain sanity amongst sisters. SO, something like that must have happened in past like with this girl my aunt reasoned, hence it explained why her cousin sister was not visible throughout our meet. Kitchen politics I tell you!

Nonetheless, that would be the last of people I would be seeing for a while. Come next week, I couldn’t wait to get to Ahmedabad – finally a place where sanity would be found and I would not be surrounded by neighborhood alliances. Alas, my aspirations were met a red brick when I met my grandma.

Rule #5: There should not be too many common interests!

Now my grandma over the last two years has gone from “I am old, I want to see you married” to “I am old, I want to see your kids!” mode. I only fear what’s next. Anyhow, so my supercharged grandma apparently has been talking to many potential alliances – and since she’s in great hurry to see my kids, she also suggested more than once that if I like a girl, I should say yes, and perhaps I could get engaged in another day itself – all this, with my stay in Ahmedabad limited to 5 days.

Nonetheless, an alliance did come – but this was different. For the first time, my uncle in Ahmedabad quipped in immediately saying that there was no need for a family mela if I were to see a girl (Thank God!) – Instead I and girl could and should meet up at a restaurant and chat in peace. Thankfully, the girl’s parent thought the same – so one fine night, at around 9.30 in the night, my uncle drove me and the girl to the local, Mc Donalds, a place I would not visit here, but proved to be a very swanky place there.

I had almost given up on my conversational capabilities, when this girl took me by surprise and started on her own. Very quickly we became comfortable – we discovered we shared many interests, and we had a lot in common about how we viewed marriage and life; and how both of us would never be able to make a decision in the first meet itself. Our conversation went on and on, and frankly I was enjoying every bit of it – and probably in the first meet that I had, we talked for more than an hour. After which, we dropped the girl home and came back.

When I looked back at it, a single thought struck me about her – she and I had way too many common things between us – way too many! I believe there needs to be some amount of difference between two people to make it interesting, but here was I meeting a girl who had exact same feelings like me; both of us had decided that we would not make a decision at first meet. And none of us made a move to have a second meet – well, given that 5 days also passed away, there was no way to meet. I tried getting an email or chat id, but to no avail – perhaps she was not that “forward” he-he. Nonetheless, it was the first good conversation I actually had with a girl. Or perhaps the plain simple truth was – I didnt impress her, and she didnt think I was worth a second meet :).

Rule #6: Please appease the stars before meeting me!

On the day we were flying back to Bangalore, I was stumped by a surprise – my aunt who was traveling while we were away, had gone to attend a marriage at Raichur, where she came across this wonderful girl and how they were interested in meeting up – she is the most beautiful woman I have seen my aunt promised, and naturally such promises lured me into the premise.

When we landed in Bangalore, the story took a different turn – apparently when they matched Jatakas (don’t ask what this is, it is something that they talk in films – “Chattis ke Chattis Gun milthe hain” – document). Apparently there was much cosmic conflict between the two of us, and neither the planets nor gods would be happy with a union of our stars. No – can’t do – that’s what we heard. The sky would tear apart, Mars and Jupiter would collide with each other, and Pluto would run away into another galaxy, we were told if this alliance were to go ahead. And being a firm believer in Jedi world order, I pondered if such a cosmic disturbance was worth it. Nonetheless, planets were left in order and I never even met the most beautiful girl my aunt promised. Later I wondered, if such stars explained Helen of Troy. Oh Boy.

So there it is, the end of my meets! If I had stayed a week longer, perhaps I would have met more people  and there would have been more stories to tell. However, the two week extravaganza, ended up with quite a whimper and nothing happening. “This is just the beginning” my aunt grinned when I was coming back – and I thought – “Oh dear!”