4 days in and I feel like me & dad have run out of things to talk about already. This is not necessarily an indication of anything negative, but just where and how we are. I *like* my dad, but I dont think I *love* my dad. The thing is I’ve not spent time with him either growing up or beyond. At around 6th grade mark dad moved to middle east, but like most parents in those days he left me back in India for educational purposes so he could save money. Then few years later it was like why move me with them because i was in pivotal years of my educational life (12th grade, college looming etc), while my brother because of our 8 year age gap moved to middle east coz he was still in elementary. So school, college, masters and later, there has never been an opportunity for me and dad to spend extended living time together so I dont have many memories of him being around my pivotal growing years. With time & distance, along with mom’s passing I think our relationship is in stasis. He is always welcome here to spend as much time as he wants (heck, he has a green card now!), but I also know its very unlikely he would *want* to spend that much time with us.
He and my brother who are almost always constantly at loggerheads, also connect in a way that I dont and cannot. They can be constantly getting on each other’s nerves and yet start missing each other when one’s not around. Brother’s constant complaint to me is how dad’s eating his brain inside out, and yet within 4 days of him here he’s like OMG I can’t do XYZ without him around. My dad too is spending half his day facetiming with him and his other two toddlers lol. Its such a weird dynamic. My kid is almost 12 so she doesnt seek or need affection/attention that she as toddler once did. She is very content to be left alone, though she loves him a lot. First couple of times I used to freak a lot about dad spending time here and how we had to be on toes to ensure he was taken care of. We’d plan things, do things and go out of our way to ensure that he felt home.
Now, its more like this is your home too, and you should feel comfortable regardless of what we are doing. I feel more at peace knowing I dont need to keep seeking his validation and love all the time I kept seeking growing up. Maybe *like* is more than enough.