As the dates approach to my much anticipated India trip next year, my relatives spread in Ahmedabad and Bangalore are waiting with bated breath and planning with much gusto. Contacts have been informed; Friends have been knowledged; Friend’s friends have been told to be on a lookout. Even people as far as my First Uncle’s Wife’s Eldest Brother’s Wife’s Eldest Brother’s family are waiting for me. And perhaps, so is their daughter. Yes, you see, its bride-shopping time in my clan!! And this time the goat is me 🙁
So nowadays whenever I call up my folks in India, after the initial hi-hellos, talk invariably lead towards – “enno, next neene” (Watchout, you are next!!) , “eesethe bandage lagne made kalsodu!” (This time you come here and we are getting you married!”), “entha hudugi bekappa ninege?” (What kind of girl are you looking for?), and so on. However today a rather perplexing chat with my eldest mausi had me not just confused and perplexed, but forced me to do a reality check – and ask myself – is it time?
And I have to do it soon. My grandmother has gone from “would you like to see a girl” mode to “this time I have to see you married” to “I wish to see your children!” mode! And I want to settle it before it gets any further.
I never knew bride shopping would be such a harrowing deal for my relatives as well. Important questions need to be asked; relatives need to be consulted – elder’s opinions need to be taken into consideration; ghar, khaandan, maryaada, izzat and all that is a given. Social standing of the family in question is a must. And of course, the proposing family must have a clean past – their side relatives should be as good as the family – warna log kya kahenge things come into picture.
All this, before the girl in question is even being considered. This is where my chat with mausi comes in. She apprantely has done background checks (whoa, FBI?) on many a family and there are quite some suitors – now the 26 dollar question is – What do I want in a girl?! As I stumbled and mumbled some jumbo about what I want (seriously, was this like choosing cake or something – no, I want this color, and this flavor only!), my mausi cut me short and asked me – (And I will spare the kannada and offer translated service)
“You really need to give it a deep thought to what kind of girl you want to marry! 2 months ago also I had told you to think about it, but you havent yet. So what kind of girl do you want to marry? Should be tall or short? How short? I personally think that with your height of 6 feet, girl should be taller than 5’3 atleast – what do you think? There is a proposal for a girl with 5’1 height, but I think you will look like AB-Jaya jodi; anyway – that is my opinion. Should she be educated? How much? Do you want compootor engineer only or eleoctronics engineer? Or will BA/MA pass girl will do? Should she be working girl or not? Do you want her to work or not after marriage? I personally dont like working girl – I like homely girls who take care of family. What do you think? Should she be beautiful or will you compromise on it? I know you love good food, so she should atleast feed you nice nice stuff every day? Girls who dont know cooking are not suitable for you! Also I feel that working girls may be more modern. What if they refuse to stay with your family? I dont think PHD girls are suitable for you – what if you tell them not to work, and they refuse? Their education will go wassttee right? ”
“See you cannot have it all. You also want beauty, you also want education, you also want a good cook – no you cannot have it all. You havvve to compromise! So think about it – if a girl is not that beautiful, but she is a good cook will it do? If your wife comes late from work, will it be OK? Too much beauty is also not good you know – I know you boys – all of you want Aishwarya Rai, Kopez or whatshername Lopez only – but you have to think realistically!! She should be a little religous according to me – she should take care of everyone and must jell with everyone – so if the girl cannot cook, but has a great personality, will you marry her? See, we can always teach her how to cook – but what do you want? See, we can help you wonnnly so much, but it is upto you to decide!!”
And before I could mumble something…
“Remember, its a lifelong decision. Dont marry because we told you so. Dont marry because your mom and dad are telling you, your granny is telling you and such. See, after you marry and there are problems, dont come to us saying “you got me married!” – so you have to make a decision. Tell us what kind of girl you are looking for, and we will keep some proposals ready when you come. Meet them and see how it goes and then you musst decide!!”
Pause.
Pause.
“Are you listening?!”
“Yes!” was all I could mumble. After promising them that by next call I would have a bullet list ready with my product requirements, i mean girl requirements, I would buzz them again.
However as I thought a bit about it, frankly I see that my Mausi is right in many ways – I really dont have a clue about what I am looking for in my partner. Absolutely, no clue. And my future week is going to be dedicated behind such life-changing questions! And if you have tips to give me, please, pulllzeee, gimme some pointers!
And I wonder sometimes – is this what goes through a girl’s family as well? Does my partner have any clue about me at this point in life? Someone told me once – you meet the person of your life, and you know it instantly. Then why the hell am I making a list!