My annual yearly post, cross-posted from my main blog–
What a year it has been! The world is worse than I thought it would be, so I’ve had to dig in more inwards to keep myself (and people around me) sane. It is easy to get completely consumed by everything happening around us (and to be fair I do so a fair amount as well), but I have had to remind myself over and over again that my first priority is my family. So as I turn 47 today, I don’t think I want to write yet another post on the state of the country we live in now, what can we do about it and where to go from here. The fact that after more than two decades I decided to make my primary blog completely private should be an indication of how I feel about state of things. Those posts are best left to be written as spontaneous outbursts of which I have many on my other micro posts blog.
R began high school this year. It feels weird to realize that she is not a small kid anymore (though we can’t seem to come out of that mindset). She has a mind of her own and a spark of her own. It’s been great to see her mature into a fiery teenager and while we fought a ton this last year I’d rather have it that way than the other way around. Its been amazing to see how she handled some of her own disappointments last year – of not making into TJ, of having a slow realization that her swimming may not be fast enough, of realizing how much more effort is math in high school, of having a injury later in the year that cost her varsity team spot in school. And each time after the initial bout of sadness, she has emerged stronger from it – not going to TJ was the best thing that could happen to her because it allowed her the time to do other things in school; she realized that being seeded into a different group at swim team (admittedly the slower one) was not a bad thing at all because it allowed her more time to rest and recharge, not to mention do school work. This actually made her happier, less tired and also opened up new friendships with others of her age. She went through physical therapy and has made up her mind to join the gym, which was a good outcome from the injury. And as far as varsity goes, after the initial disappointment (she would have easily made the varsity team if not for injury), she became a team manager that allowed her to continue working with swim team at school. She asked to get help on math both at school and outside of it, and now is improving tremendously in second half of year. Her growth as an individual, especially against all the setbacks she’s had has been very impressive for us as parents – and I hope it teaches her perseverance. And oh, she is a terrific writer as well (I guess like Mr Kim says, you is me), and has amazing music tastes. These days more often than not we are comparing our music playlists and she’s introduced me to so much new music that it’s been a ton of fun. Off late she’s picked up photography too – which makes the shutterbug in me super happy.
That said I’d be lying if I said I now fear the end of high school years – because it suddenly feels close and just 3 years away. In another year we’ll already be talking about colleges a lot more seriously. And another year, it will actually be right in face – all this to say, I suddenly feel the inevitability of it all – that the day the kid will leave the nest (well only thematically!) is coming for us soon. I keep thinking the negative – what if she doesn’t want to stay with us anymore? what if she doesn’t want to come back to us anymore? what if she wants to spend her thanksgivings and Christmas at a potential boyfriend or friends house? How will we handle the loneliness without her around if she decides to go to college outside of city (which she is clear she wants to – in fact she even wants to think internationally at this point given the downward trend of this country). How will we adapt to the new reality. I know it’s 3 and half years away, but also it’s not that far away either. I will be amiss to say this is the year I honestly did think maybe having another kid would’ve not been a bad idea. While our circumstances back then (including my health, grieving from death of my mom etc) did play a huge part in our decision on a single kid, I do sometimes wish things were different and she had a brother or a sister, though I don’t obsess over it. It is what it is, and it’s up to us to make the best of what we have. What is to say things wouldn’t have been worse with two kids, am I right? Plus, Hobbes is everything we wanted out of a kid anyway.
As if to compensate though, one of my priorities for next few years is travel. We are prioritizing travel with kid for next few years and we’d like to check off as many destinations as we can and while we can as family. Last year, our Spain trip was one for the ages. There isn’t a part of Spain we didn’t like and everyone of us came out feeling like wanting to move there permanently – a feeling that I only got in Costa Rica few years back. Travel is totally a top priority for us this year and will remain for a few more years. Though its not just international travel, its also trips back home to India too that are important. Now as she is nearing college I keep wondering how many more times will she want to visit India. She is close to our families back there, but adulthood is going to be different. We have been insisting that our families back in India also make trips here – and our in-laws did come for 6 weeks during Diwali. It was wonderful to have them over, and they got to spend quality time with us all, though they were also very happy to go back to their own house eventually. As they say, your heart always aches to go back home no matter where you are. I visited India by myself in March, and A/R visited earlier in year too – though just visiting India for 10 days was not really satisfying. While I enjoyed my solo trip back home, I also did not think it was that much fun without my own family along with me there. However with reality of doggy care and Hobbes, it definitely looks like solo trips maybe here to stay for a while.
Domestically too this year we met our friends outside of DC way more than friends nearer to us which is super weird. We went to a Jewish Indian wedding in march which was fun, followed by spring break at ours and then us at Philadelphia in summer followed by more friends coming here in Thanksgiving. Weirdly enough we met our local friends lesser than we did – not because of intent- but because of kids schedule and activities. It is hard to just meet up each weekend like we once did, but when we do, our nights go long! That said I and a friend of mine absolutely meet each other every week for a drink so that helps – its important to keep friendships and outside connection going and I prioritize it for my own sake too.
This year was also a year of discovery at work. I changed my teams in Amazon back in April, only to not like the org much. And when an opportunity presented itself at end of the year I decided to go for it taking a pay cut. It all happened so sudden and so out of blue, I do not know if I did right thing or not. I was getting bored at Amazon because I wasn’t learning much. I knew I was a good manager and I was surprised by how much my team loved me and misses me – but personally I felt like I had reached a point where staying longer for sake of money was going to lead to worse longer term outcomes. So when an ex manager of mine (and a good friend) reached out, it didn’t take too long to negotiate and join. I have now joined digital ads world – yes, the same ads that annoy everyone and makes every digital experience worse – yeah them. I have to say it’s been an interesting field so far with lots of unknowns, ambiguity and science. I don’t know how long I will stay in this space, but for now it’s been a fun learning curve and it certainly feels like my brain is now learning something new – which is what I wanted. Given the horrid economy and state of things I do not know yet if leaving a safe cushioned job where I was well liked was the right move after all, but its a calculated risk I am taking and will see how it goes.
While my health more or less stayed the same I exercised less in 2025 than I did in 2024 which was not great. A year ago my endocrinologist suggested that I should try out GLP-1 based drugs not as a way to control weight but to manage my T2 diabetes with a side effect of losing weight. I am still not 100% convinced I want to do it, but I could give it a try and see. It’s not that I don’t trust science, it’s the mechanism, mainly injection which I have some odd taboo against. My grandma was on daily insulin for the longest time and the thought of injection makes me feel really “old”. I know I am wrong to think like that and get over it. But that feeling of “old” is now becoming more and more common all around. I don’t recover as quick after a work as I used to after a workout. I cherish my afternoon naps way too much now. I feel tired by end of most days just because. We’ve watched way more retirement videos and used way more retirement calculators in the last year than ever before. I check my portfolio way more than before — I fantasize of the day when I can simply say fuck it and stop working. The tech industry is a largely heartless and ageist place, and getting older is often penalized. It’s harder to keep up with new technologies, especially AI coming up every day. I interviewed so many fresh graduates and new grads last year, and each time I felt that I knew nothing that they knew. While my experience helps me deliver, folks coming today are using radically different tools. Then me and A look at each other and the number of working years left and keep wondering when are we going to exit this rat race? So yeah, the feeling of “old” is everywhere.
Anyway, it’s not like I can turn back time so might as well try to age gracefully and happy as I move into next year. The first part I know I am (hah!), the second part I can’t predict but I can only hope.