Somehow this last move has been the toughest for me. I am still yet to get over the whole restarting of life part. It actually feels like I’ve just landed in US all over again. I am sleeping on carpet with a comforter waiting for my stuff to come home; my internet connection is not online so I am stealing somebody else’s; I don’t have too many friends or acquaintances here, or at least the close types. It just feels like a restart all over again, and this time I am absolutely hating it.
All my life I’ve been moving places, thanks to dad’s transferable job, and my studies. 4 years in a single “home” is the longest I’ve come to living in a place for a while. And 6 years in DC is the longest I’ve lived in the same geographical area, of course not considering those 6 years involved 5 moves. I changed apartments 5 times in DC, but still it was nearly not as bad as moving completely to west coast.
As I turn 29 and look at my life ahead, I feel exhausted about the prospect of moving yet again. The last time I’d moved in DC, I had planned it would be my last move. Then, I would think of buying or owning a place within there, where I could spend another couple of years before I headed back to India. Now that plan is all over, thanks to this moving. Given the rental prices in this part of the country and the way it zooms around, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to move all over again.
But if I had to, I want to move to DC. For various reasons.
For one, I am done moving. In a age where all my friends are buying houses and settling down, it feels rather silly to me that I am still struggling to find a place of my own. I want to own, stay and be in a single place for a while.
I am done restarting my life over and over again. I think I have reached this point where making new relationships and new friendships is becoming more and more difficult. The feeling of dejection of building relationships is getting down on me. I am done making new friends whom I will get close to, to be separated again. I am done going through that phase of “Shit what did I say to him/her?”. I am done rebuilding my social life. I want what I had to stay put for a while. I miss my friends.
I am done living like a vagabond. I want some stability in life, and more than anything else, I want some place to call my own. I am done exploring places, finding cheapest places to shop, finding cool hangouts to go to, finding places to be on weekends. I am done with all of it.
I think I want to go back.