6 years and now….

Its funny how one can know a person for more than 6 years and yet have never them; and when the time comes where you might meet them, suddenly you are left unsure about yourself, about everything between you and them, and keep wondering about everything that may happen. Its true, knowing someone and meeting someone can be so different – and especially, when the two belong to two same ethnic background, but raised in completely different cultures 6000 miles apart.

Now I know someone more than 6 long years, even before I came here and became a FOB, and even before I also realized there is another acronym called ABCD. But did ABCD or FOB ever come between the two of us? Oh yeah – lots actually – I am what I am, and she is what she is – so why not take the liberty and laugh at ourselves for that. I don’t even think it is an issue which we dealt with.

India is a land of diversity. Diversity is our biggest strength, and our biggest adversity. We are a land of such disparate cultures and peoples that any attempt to unionize them to a single religion, ideal, bond is not only useless, but in a way taking out our identities. Hence, in general, we Indians love to segregate ourselves from other Indians, even though the differences may be minimal, and at times ridiculous to a passerby. But that minimalist difference is what gives an identity which each group of Indians either carry with pride or disdain, depending on how the thinking is.

Think about it – Get a Punjabi and Gujarathi together – they will talk Hindi or English. Add a Punjabi to the circle, the two Punjabis will talk in Punjabi leaving the poor Gujarthi for fend for himself. Add two more Tamilians, Telegus and you have a completely disparate groups who are not only talking amongst themselves, but make sure that using English or any other language, some if not all ideas are exchanged.

Now what happens when this one group is sent across 6000 miles – obviously the oneness factor of being in the same boat holds, and cultural differences disappear? But we Indians as we are, love to invent them if they disappear – hence, 6000 miles apart – we have two other cultures – the FOBs and the ABCDs – essentially the same roots, but inherently different from one another. Then there are Americanized-ABCDs (whoa? What does that mean anyways), and then there are FOBs and H1FOBS ( Obviously FOBs who came to study in America are superior to those who came on H1 lol ).

I really won’t go into the immigrant life, but suffice to say I think “The Namesake” by Jhumpa Lahiri is a great introduction to the immigrant life. I guess she says it all not only from the perspective of an FOB in Ashok and Ashima Ganguly, but an ABCD in Gogol Ganguly as well. Frankly its all the same – the feeling of desolateness, the feeling of incompleteness, which exist on both side of the border; because there is no place like home and home is where the heart lies. Frankly I think its tough being an ABCD, tougher than being an FOB. An ABCD always lives in that line that dwells on the past and the present – parents don’t want let go of their culture and history, a obvious FOB trace (because they were themselves FOB once), and the children who live in a different world, different society – perhaps the origin of ‘confusion’ in American Born Desi’- Comparing to them, perhaps, I as a FOB have a simpler life.

Perhaps ABCDs think of us too in that way – as EFGH – Every F*&**% Gets Here. But they are entitled to their thinking – after all, as a diverse India, we still are culturally poles apart and a thing or two is always going to be different.

Coming to my friend, its interesting that in the 6 years or more, we have never bothered to be bothered by being a ABCD or FOB. I tease her ABCD all the time, and she calls me FOB all the time – and yet, an unmistaken bond of true friendship remains between us. Yes, she is a Bollywood freak, probably knows more than me about Bollywood, and perhaps visited more of India than I have myself all these years. But I guess what binds us is that we were willing to look beyond the obvious differences that exist between us both culturally and ideologically, and perhaps discover another individual behind the curtails of being an ABCD or an FOB. We both are glad (and I can safely speak for her) that we did – that I view her as a close friend, and she does too. Perhaps, ABCD or FOB is just another term that identifies us – its our identity, and we both chose to make fun of it, be merry, and most importantly learn about the changes in life.

As Kevin Arnold says – “Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go”.